Vegas bound

THIS LAST WEEKEND, WE TOOK A TRIP TO LAS VEGAS, FOR ALBERTS SISTER AMANDA'S WEDDING. WE HAD BEEN PREPARING FOR WEEKS. PLANNING WHAT TO WEAR, AND GETTING MYSELF READY TO GO TO THE BUFFET ON MY OWN. SINCE ALBERT WOULD BE GETTING PLATES FOR THE KIDS, I KNEW I NEEDED TO BE ABLE TO GET AND CARRY MY OWN. THIS WOULD MEAN I NEEDED NO CANE, AND TO BE ABLE TO BALANCE MY PLATE.
WE ARRIVED ON FRIDAY MORNING AT OUR "CASTLE HOTEL" THE EXCALIBUR. THIS WAS INTENTIONAL SO THAT THE GIRLS COULD BE PRINCESSES. ALBERT HELD ELLAS HAND AND LILLI WALKED BY ME THROUGH CHECK- IN. WE FOUND OUR ROOM, AND SETTLED IN. LATER THAT NIGHT WE TRIED TO WALK OVER TO THE HOTEL THE REST OF THE FAMILY WAS IN. I DID FINE WITH THIS, AND WAS DETERMINED TO KEEP UP FOR THE WEEKEND. WELL ELEVATORS ARE AN ENEMY OF MINE, FOR SOME REASON. IT IS VERY HARD FOR ME TO STEP ON. I GET WORRIED THE DOORS WILL CLOSE TO SOON. I HAD DONE PRETTY DARN GOOD THE FIRST 5 OR SO ELEVATORS, BUT THINGS GOT REALLY BAD BY ABOUT NUMBER 8. WE WERE LOST AND JUST RIDING ELEVATORS WHEREVER, AND THEN DISASTER! THE ELEVATORS BECAME THE SEE- THROUGH GLASS ONES, AND SINCE MY STROKE I HAVE BEEN TERRIBLY SCARED OF HEIGHTS. I BECOME FROZEN WITH FEAR, FULL BLOWN PANIC. SO I COULDN'T BRING MYSELF TO GET ON. ALBERT FINALLY JUST GRABBED ME AND PUT ME IN ONE. THE NIGHT WAS A MESS AFTER THAT POINT. WE FINALLY GAVE UP AND WENT BACK TO OUR ROOM.
SATURDAY WAS THE WEDDING, SO WE ALL GOT DRESSED UP AND HEADED TO THEIR HOTEL. QUITE A LONG WALK FOR ME, BUT I WAS HANGING IN. DURING THE RECEPTION DINNER, I HAD TO TAKE THE GIRLS TO THE BATHROOM, AND WHILE WALKING, I STARTED TO LOSE FEELING IN MY LEFT LEG, AND THOUGHT IT WAS NOT GOING TO TAKE ANOTHER STEP. ONCE THE FEELING RETURNED, MY KNEE HURT LIKE HELL! IT WAS DONE. THEY DID A TOAST FOR THE BRIDE, AND SO I HAD A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE, NOT KNOWING THAT BY DRINKING, THAT IT WOULD IMPROVE MY WALK. BUT, IT DID. I COULD WALK BACK TO OUR HOTEL MUCH EASIER. I NEVER DRINK, SO ONE GLASS WAS ALL IT TOOK. BY THE TIME I WAS IN THE ROOM, MY KNEE HURT SOO BAD!! ALBERT AND THE FAMILY WERE GOING OUT TO A CLUB THAT NIGHT, AND OHH HOW MY HEART WANTED TO GO, BUT KNOWING MY BODY WOULDN'T MAKE IT, THE GIRLS AND I GOT PIZZA ROOM SERVICE, WHICH WAS EXTREMELY EXCITING TO THEM, AND MADE IT FUN FOR ME!
THIS IS VERY DETAILED, SO THAT WHEN I READ IT 2 YEARS FROM NOW, I CAN LAUGH AT HOW FAR I'VE COME, AFTER 2 DAYS IN VEGAS. SEEING ALL KINDS OF PRETTY YOUNG PEOPLE, IT WAS WEARING ON MY EGO A LOT! THAT THAT PHASE IN MY LIFE IS SOO FAR GONE. I KNOW THIS EVERY DAY, BUT SOMEHOW VEGAS MADE IT HARDER FOR ME TO TOLERATE. I WAS GETTING MORE AND MORE FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF EVERY MINUTE. IT WAS A BATTLE OVER BEING GRATEFUL FOR HOW FAR I'VE COME, BUT SEEING HOW FAR I WANT TO BE AT THE SAME TIME.
IN THE END, I MADE IT THROUGH, AND HAD SOME FUN. I'M IN NO HURRY TO GO BACK. I NEED ONE MORE YEAR OF RECOVERY I THINK, AND SOME COUNSELING, TO ACCEPT MYSELF AND MY NEW LIFE, IN CONTRAST WITH OTHER 20 SOMETHING PEOPLE. I KEPT AND KEEP REMINDING MYSELF THAT THIS IS TEMPORARY LONG, BUT TEMPORARY I WILL CHOOSE TO KEEP GOING.
MAYBE NEXT TIME I WILL DANCE!
GOD BLESS,
TAKE CARE,
LOVE TAMI.