THIS LAST WEEKEND, WE TOOK A TRIP TO LAS VEGAS, FOR ALBERTS SISTER AMANDA'S WEDDING. WE HAD BEEN PREPARING FOR WEEKS. PLANNING WHAT TO WEAR, AND GETTING MYSELF READY TO GO TO THE BUFFET ON MY OWN. SINCE ALBERT WOULD BE GETTING PLATES FOR THE KIDS, I KNEW I NEEDED TO BE ABLE TO GET AND CARRY MY OWN. THIS WOULD MEAN I NEEDED NO CANE, AND TO BE ABLE TO BALANCE MY PLATE.
WE ARRIVED ON FRIDAY MORNING AT OUR "CASTLE HOTEL" THE EXCALIBUR. THIS WAS INTENTIONAL SO THAT THE GIRLS COULD BE PRINCESSES. ALBERT HELD ELLAS HAND AND LILLI WALKED BY ME THROUGH CHECK- IN. WE FOUND OUR ROOM, AND SETTLED IN. LATER THAT NIGHT WE TRIED TO WALK OVER TO THE HOTEL THE REST OF THE FAMILY WAS IN. I DID FINE WITH THIS, AND WAS DETERMINED TO KEEP UP FOR THE WEEKEND. WELL ELEVATORS ARE AN ENEMY OF MINE, FOR SOME REASON. IT IS VERY HARD FOR ME TO STEP ON. I GET WORRIED THE DOORS WILL CLOSE TO SOON. I HAD DONE PRETTY DARN GOOD THE FIRST 5 OR SO ELEVATORS, BUT THINGS GOT REALLY BAD BY ABOUT NUMBER 8. WE WERE LOST AND JUST RIDING ELEVATORS WHEREVER, AND THEN DISASTER! THE ELEVATORS BECAME THE SEE- THROUGH GLASS ONES, AND SINCE MY STROKE I HAVE BEEN TERRIBLY SCARED OF HEIGHTS. I BECOME FROZEN WITH FEAR, FULL BLOWN PANIC. SO I COULDN'T BRING MYSELF TO GET ON. ALBERT FINALLY JUST GRABBED ME AND PUT ME IN ONE. THE NIGHT WAS A MESS AFTER THAT POINT. WE FINALLY GAVE UP AND WENT BACK TO OUR ROOM.
SATURDAY WAS THE WEDDING, SO WE ALL GOT DRESSED UP AND HEADED TO THEIR HOTEL. QUITE A LONG WALK FOR ME, BUT I WAS HANGING IN. DURING THE RECEPTION DINNER, I HAD TO TAKE THE GIRLS TO THE BATHROOM, AND WHILE WALKING, I STARTED TO LOSE FEELING IN MY LEFT LEG, AND THOUGHT IT WAS NOT GOING TO TAKE ANOTHER STEP. ONCE THE FEELING RETURNED, MY KNEE HURT LIKE HELL! IT WAS DONE. THEY DID A TOAST FOR THE BRIDE, AND SO I HAD A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE, NOT KNOWING THAT BY DRINKING, THAT IT WOULD IMPROVE MY WALK. BUT, IT DID. I COULD WALK BACK TO OUR HOTEL MUCH EASIER. I NEVER DRINK, SO ONE GLASS WAS ALL IT TOOK. BY THE TIME I WAS IN THE ROOM, MY KNEE HURT SOO BAD!! ALBERT AND THE FAMILY WERE GOING OUT TO A CLUB THAT NIGHT, AND OHH HOW MY HEART WANTED TO GO, BUT KNOWING MY BODY WOULDN'T MAKE IT, THE GIRLS AND I GOT PIZZA ROOM SERVICE, WHICH WAS EXTREMELY EXCITING TO THEM, AND MADE IT FUN FOR ME!
THIS IS VERY DETAILED, SO THAT WHEN I READ IT 2 YEARS FROM NOW, I CAN LAUGH AT HOW FAR I'VE COME, AFTER 2 DAYS IN VEGAS. SEEING ALL KINDS OF PRETTY YOUNG PEOPLE, IT WAS WEARING ON MY EGO A LOT! THAT THAT PHASE IN MY LIFE IS SOO FAR GONE. I KNOW THIS EVERY DAY, BUT SOMEHOW VEGAS MADE IT HARDER FOR ME TO TOLERATE. I WAS GETTING MORE AND MORE FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF EVERY MINUTE. IT WAS A BATTLE OVER BEING GRATEFUL FOR HOW FAR I'VE COME, BUT SEEING HOW FAR I WANT TO BE AT THE SAME TIME.
IN THE END, I MADE IT THROUGH, AND HAD SOME FUN. I'M IN NO HURRY TO GO BACK. I NEED ONE MORE YEAR OF RECOVERY I THINK, AND SOME COUNSELING, TO ACCEPT MYSELF AND MY NEW LIFE, IN CONTRAST WITH OTHER 20 SOMETHING PEOPLE. I KEPT AND KEEP REMINDING MYSELF THAT THIS IS TEMPORARY LONG, BUT TEMPORARY I WILL CHOOSE TO KEEP GOING.
MAYBE NEXT TIME I WILL DANCE!
GOD BLESS,
TAKE CARE,
LOVE TAMI.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
September review
WOW! TIME GOES TOO FAST. I KEPT THINKING I'LL GET ON HERE AND TELL ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY. WE WENT OUT TO DINNER AS A FAMILY FRIDAY NIGHT. EVERY TIME THEY WOULD ANNOUNCE ---- PARTY OF 5 YOUR TABLE IS READY, LILLI WOULD LOOK AROUND AND SAY WHERE'S THE PARTY? I WANT TO GO. SO I TOLD HER WE WERE A PARTY OF 4, AND WHEN WE LEFT LILLI SAID "WAIT MOM, WE MISSED THE PARTY FOR 4!" She is always making us laugh!
Sunday morning, my actual birthday, the girls had a cake for me, and we had it for breakfast. Grandma Ann took us to Golden Corral for lunch, and Aunt Patty and Uncle Riley came. It was very yummy and fun. Grandma made me a card to celebrate my 2nd birthday, since I had my 2 year stroke anniversary. I kept joking that I was now 2 years old, since I do feel that way in a lot of areas, that someone hit my reset button and made me start all over.
But really, it was my 29th birthday, which is one I am very happy to have made it to! I think I really had us guessing for awhile.
My birthday celebration lasted a full week, and was wonderful to feel so loved by so many!
In September I also had another e.e.g test, and had my eyes checked again, due to the previous troubles with light and seizures. Happily my eyes have improved since my last test in December. That makes me very happy to know they can improve. My sweet aunt/godmother Liz, has said she will pay for my new " special" glasses that are supposed to help with both indoor light and in turn my headaches. They are a special pink tint. I just have to go get them from a certain doctor, and I think I will just have to learn to use contacts again, and buy some super dark shades for outside.
Until now I have just avoided bright lights and too much sun. I get pretty sick if I push my time in lights, but I'm happy to know these things can be fixed.
My neurologist had discussed a new seizure medicine, but the side effects are weight loss and depression, so I'm not going to switch. I'm not willing to challenge either one of those things.
After 2 full years I have finally gained all my weight back, and people sure notice! I keep getting told that I have gained weight. Good thing I was trying to, so I don't get offended! I WAS EVEN ASKED IF I WAS ON A NEW MED. THAT MAKES MY FACE SWELL. THAT REALLY MADE ME LAUGH! I SAID, " NO I'M JUST GAINING WEIGHT."
IN AUGUST, ALBERT AGREED TO HAVE A CLEANING LADY COME, ONCE A WEEK, TO HELP ME OUT. I HAVE STRUGGLED WITH KEEPING UP ON ALL OF THE CLEANING, WHILE HAVING BOTH GIRLS HOME. I KNOW WOMEN DO THIS ALL THE TIME, WITH MORE KIDS, BUT I WILL FULLY ADMIT, I REALLY SUCK AT KEEPING UP WITH ALL THE HOUSE WORK ALONE. SINCE ALBERT'S WORKING OUT OF TOWN, I WAS FEELING LIKE I WAS DROWNING BY THE TIME HE WOULD COME HOME. HE WOULD SAY HE DIDN'T WANT TO HELP, AND WOULD RATHER PAY SOMEONE TO HELP.
AT FIRST, I WAS VERY OFFENDED, BECAUSE I KNOW THAT, AS THE OLD ME, I WAS FINE, BUT ONCE I GOT OVER THAT, I ABSOLUTELY EMBRACED THE IDEA! AND NOW I LOVE HAVING HER COME! SHE IS A FRIEND OF AUNT MONICAS, AND MOST OF THE TIME I HAVE HER HELP WITH LAUNDRY.
I JOKE THAT I JUST HAD TO HAVE A STROKE TO FINALLY GET A MAID. THE GIRLS CONTINUE TO KEEP ME GOING EVERY DAY. MY SAD HAND IS STILL SAD, BUT I'M NOT GIVING UP HOPE ON IT. I HAVE REALLY DEVELOPED A GRUDGE AGAINST IT THOUGH.
I WILL HAVE TO START A NEW ENTRY SOON, SINCE TIME GETS AWAY FROM ME, AND I WANT TO KEEP A GOOD RECORD OF MY JOURNEY.
GOD BLESS LOVE TAMI
Sunday morning, my actual birthday, the girls had a cake for me, and we had it for breakfast. Grandma Ann took us to Golden Corral for lunch, and Aunt Patty and Uncle Riley came. It was very yummy and fun. Grandma made me a card to celebrate my 2nd birthday, since I had my 2 year stroke anniversary. I kept joking that I was now 2 years old, since I do feel that way in a lot of areas, that someone hit my reset button and made me start all over.
But really, it was my 29th birthday, which is one I am very happy to have made it to! I think I really had us guessing for awhile.
My birthday celebration lasted a full week, and was wonderful to feel so loved by so many!
In September I also had another e.e.g test, and had my eyes checked again, due to the previous troubles with light and seizures. Happily my eyes have improved since my last test in December. That makes me very happy to know they can improve. My sweet aunt/godmother Liz, has said she will pay for my new " special" glasses that are supposed to help with both indoor light and in turn my headaches. They are a special pink tint. I just have to go get them from a certain doctor, and I think I will just have to learn to use contacts again, and buy some super dark shades for outside.
Until now I have just avoided bright lights and too much sun. I get pretty sick if I push my time in lights, but I'm happy to know these things can be fixed.
My neurologist had discussed a new seizure medicine, but the side effects are weight loss and depression, so I'm not going to switch. I'm not willing to challenge either one of those things.
After 2 full years I have finally gained all my weight back, and people sure notice! I keep getting told that I have gained weight. Good thing I was trying to, so I don't get offended! I WAS EVEN ASKED IF I WAS ON A NEW MED. THAT MAKES MY FACE SWELL. THAT REALLY MADE ME LAUGH! I SAID, " NO I'M JUST GAINING WEIGHT."
IN AUGUST, ALBERT AGREED TO HAVE A CLEANING LADY COME, ONCE A WEEK, TO HELP ME OUT. I HAVE STRUGGLED WITH KEEPING UP ON ALL OF THE CLEANING, WHILE HAVING BOTH GIRLS HOME. I KNOW WOMEN DO THIS ALL THE TIME, WITH MORE KIDS, BUT I WILL FULLY ADMIT, I REALLY SUCK AT KEEPING UP WITH ALL THE HOUSE WORK ALONE. SINCE ALBERT'S WORKING OUT OF TOWN, I WAS FEELING LIKE I WAS DROWNING BY THE TIME HE WOULD COME HOME. HE WOULD SAY HE DIDN'T WANT TO HELP, AND WOULD RATHER PAY SOMEONE TO HELP.
AT FIRST, I WAS VERY OFFENDED, BECAUSE I KNOW THAT, AS THE OLD ME, I WAS FINE, BUT ONCE I GOT OVER THAT, I ABSOLUTELY EMBRACED THE IDEA! AND NOW I LOVE HAVING HER COME! SHE IS A FRIEND OF AUNT MONICAS, AND MOST OF THE TIME I HAVE HER HELP WITH LAUNDRY.
I JOKE THAT I JUST HAD TO HAVE A STROKE TO FINALLY GET A MAID. THE GIRLS CONTINUE TO KEEP ME GOING EVERY DAY. MY SAD HAND IS STILL SAD, BUT I'M NOT GIVING UP HOPE ON IT. I HAVE REALLY DEVELOPED A GRUDGE AGAINST IT THOUGH.
I WILL HAVE TO START A NEW ENTRY SOON, SINCE TIME GETS AWAY FROM ME, AND I WANT TO KEEP A GOOD RECORD OF MY JOURNEY.
GOD BLESS LOVE TAMI
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