WELL, FINALLY, I AM BACK TO UPDATE, IT'S BEEN 7 MONTHS, AND FULL OF SO MANY HUGE EVENTS, BIGGEST AND BEST, IS THAT IN AUGUST 2012, I WAS ABLE TO GET OUR VERY OWN PLACE FOR JUST THE GIRLS AND I, IT'S IN AN AMAZING CHILD FILLED NEIGHBORHOOD I HAVE NEVER LIVED IN SUCH AN AWESOME SAFE PLACE , WE HAVE 3 BEDROOMS 2 BATHS EVEN A GARAGE WHICH I HAVE NEVER HAD IN MY LIFE, AND IT'S ALL OURS, BEDROOM #3 IS "GRANDMA TERESA'S ROOM", AND PART TIME MASSAGE ROOM, I HAVE JUST RECENTLY STARTED DOING MASSAGE 1 HANDED, AND IT FELT SO WONDERFUL TO DO WHAT I LOVE TO DO
4 YEARS!, IT WAS MY 4 YEAR ANNIVERSARY IN AUGUST MY LIFE IS NO WHERE WHAT I EXPECTED IT TO BE AT 31 BUT 4 YEARS AFTER MY BRAIN EXPLOSION, IT'S FULL OF AMAZING THINGS, UNEXPECTED THINGS BUT I AM VERY HAPPY, NOT AS HAPPY AS I WILL BE WHEN MY ARM WORKS, BUT PRETTY DARN HAPPY
4 YEARS 4 BIGGEST CHANGES
#1 I AM LIVING 100% INDEPENDENTLY, WITH MY 2 ANGEL DAUGHTERS
#2, I HAVE MY OWN CAR, AND CAN GO JUST ABOUT ANYWHERE
#3 I AM A HAPPY SINGLE MOM, RAISING 2 AMAZING LITTLE LADIES
#4 BOTH MY BABIES ARE IN SCHOOL, LILLI FULL-TIME 1ST GRADE, ELLA HALF DAY KINDERGARTEN, THEY ARE BOTH LEARNING TO READ WHICH IS SO DARN NEAT, EXCEPT THAT I CAN'T SPELL SECRET THINGS ANY MORE
# EXTRA, I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO STOP USING MY CANE, WHICH MAKES ME FEEL A BIT YOUNGER, NOTHING SHOUTS OLD WOMAN LIKE USING A CANE, THE FIRST TIME LILLI NOTICE I WASN'T USING IT, SHE FREAKED OUT PANICKED, POOR GIRL THOUGHT STARTED CRYING THOUGHT I WOULD FALL, I HAVE TO CONVINCE HER ALL THE TIME THAT IT'S MY JOB TO LOOK AFTER HER NOT HER WORRYING ABOUT HER MAMA, AFTER MANY SUCCESSFUL TRIPS OUT, NEITHER GIRL WORRIES ABOUT ME, I CONTINUE TO GET STRONGER EVERY DAY,
MY TO DO LIST IS STILL PRETTY BIG, BUT I AM VERY AMAZED AT MY LIFE NOW, AFTER SUCH A HORRIFIC LIFE CHALLENGE, BUT I AM TOUGHER THAN EVER
I CAN'T PUT INTO WORDS, HOW FANTASTIC IT FEELS TO BE SO INDEPENDENT ONCE AGAIN IN MY LIFE, MY WORLD IS DEVOTED TO MY GIRLS, AND I LOVE EVERY DAY, NATURALLY I GET EXHAUSTED, AND BURNT-OUT LIKE SO MANY OTHER FULL-TIME MOMS, MY MOM TERESA GETS TO VISIT ONCE A MONTH, AND I TAKE FULL ADVANTAGE OF HER USEFULNESS, AND CONSIDER IT MY 2 DAY VACATION WHENS SHE'S HERE, SHE HAS HAD SO MUCH FUN DECORATING AND PLAYING DOMESTIC HOUSE WITH MY HOME WHICH HAS BEEN VERY BENEFICIAL TO ME, I KEEP A HELP-ME-TO-DO-LIST FOR WHEN SHE IS COMING, SEEMS WE NEVER HAVE ENOUGH TIME FOR ALL THAT WE WANT TO DO
MY LIFE SEEMS VERY BUSY AT TIMES, YET QUITE DULL AS WELL, BUT ALL IN ALL, MY GIRLS AND I ARE EXTREMELY HAPPY
GOD BLESS
TRULY TAMI
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
OH THE EXCITEMENT! I BOUGHT A CAR
FINALLY, NEARLY 4 YEARS AGO, MY WHOLE WORLD CHANGED, ITS BEEN INSANELY DIFFICULT, BUT I'M DOING 97% BETTER NOW, I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO ANNOUNCE 2 OF MY BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENTS SINCE AUGUST 2008, 1 I AM STILL WAITING ON AND THAT'S MY LEFT ARM, BUT 2 IS TO BE DRIVING, AND THOUGH MY ARM WOULD BE A MILLION TIMES BETTER, I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED THE LATER GOAL, DRIVING
THIS WEEKEND, I BOUGHT MYSELF A CAR USED BUT NEW TO ME A 2000 FORD TAURUS, IT'S JUST PERFECT FOR THE GIRLS AND I,AND SINCE THEY WERE JUST BABIES WHEN MY BRAIN BUSTED, THE IDEA OF MOMMY DRIVING IS MIND-BLOWING TO THEM, HA HA GET IT MIND-BLOWING
THIS GOAL AS BEEN IN THE MAKING FOR SO LONG, THAT IT DOESN'T SEEM REAL TO ME YET THE GIRLS FIRST REQUESTS, TO GO OUT TO BREAKFAST AND THEN THE MALL
I AM BEYOND EXCITED FOR THE FREEDOM AND INDEPENDENCE THAT WILL COME FROM HAVING A CAR AGAIN, AND AFTER BEING WITH OUT FOR SO LONG I'M EVEN LOOKING FORWARD TO BUYING GAS EVEN IF ITS NEARLY 4$ A GALLON, MY MOTHER TERESA KEEPS MENTIONING THIS TO ME ABOUT HOW AWFUL IT IS, BUT AFTER OVER 3 YEARS OF ASKING FOR RIDES, I COULD'NT CARE LESS ABOUT GAS PRICES ITS SEEMS SUCH A VALUABLE THING TO ME, AFTER BEING FORCE TO HAVE NO FREEDOM.
THIS WEEKEND, I BOUGHT MYSELF A CAR USED BUT NEW TO ME A 2000 FORD TAURUS, IT'S JUST PERFECT FOR THE GIRLS AND I,AND SINCE THEY WERE JUST BABIES WHEN MY BRAIN BUSTED, THE IDEA OF MOMMY DRIVING IS MIND-BLOWING TO THEM, HA HA GET IT MIND-BLOWING
THIS GOAL AS BEEN IN THE MAKING FOR SO LONG, THAT IT DOESN'T SEEM REAL TO ME YET THE GIRLS FIRST REQUESTS, TO GO OUT TO BREAKFAST AND THEN THE MALL
I AM BEYOND EXCITED FOR THE FREEDOM AND INDEPENDENCE THAT WILL COME FROM HAVING A CAR AGAIN, AND AFTER BEING WITH OUT FOR SO LONG I'M EVEN LOOKING FORWARD TO BUYING GAS EVEN IF ITS NEARLY 4$ A GALLON, MY MOTHER TERESA KEEPS MENTIONING THIS TO ME ABOUT HOW AWFUL IT IS, BUT AFTER OVER 3 YEARS OF ASKING FOR RIDES, I COULD'NT CARE LESS ABOUT GAS PRICES ITS SEEMS SUCH A VALUABLE THING TO ME, AFTER BEING FORCE TO HAVE NO FREEDOM.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
2012 BIG CHANGES
on January 5th, due to some unpleasant situations, the girls and i had to move in with Alberts aunt Monica casados, and she happily welcomed us, its been such an enormous blessing, it took awhile but the girls and i have adjusted very well, they are happy and surrounded my TONS OF LOVE, i have been doing VERY WELL, healthy happy and strong, with out to much detail, we were living in a very unhealthy negative environment, david and monica don't have any grand kids yet, and it definitely shows that they just love having my girls as rental grand kids
BIGGEST NEWS OF ALL--, i will be buying a car very soon, i have taken and passed driving classes and did surprisingly well, i am very proud, to accomplish, one of my huge goals, and feel independent like i was before due to our new life of 2012, i have also become a single mom which naturally adds a new dimension to my recovery, i have to set new goals
- first is to get our own place for the girls and i
- i also plan on getting them in the same school for this fall
- i have no doubt that i can and will be an amazing mom
and accomplish all that is required of myself
BIGGEST NEWS OF ALL--, i will be buying a car very soon, i have taken and passed driving classes and did surprisingly well, i am very proud, to accomplish, one of my huge goals, and feel independent like i was before due to our new life of 2012, i have also become a single mom which naturally adds a new dimension to my recovery, i have to set new goals
- first is to get our own place for the girls and i
- i also plan on getting them in the same school for this fall
- i have no doubt that i can and will be an amazing mom
and accomplish all that is required of myself
Friday, October 14, 2011
ADJUSTED
I HAVE BEEN NOTICING THESE PAST FEW WEEKS, THAT FINALLY AFTER 3 YEARS I HAVE FINALLY BECOME VERY PEACEFUL WITH MYSELF, AND MY "SPECIAL FEATURES"
JUST THE OTHER DAY I REALIZED THAT THERE ARE ONLY 3 THINGS THAT I HAVEN'T ACCOMPLISHED YET FROM MY PREVIOUS LIFE,
-1. DRIVING
-2. WORKING
-3. BRAIDING HAIR
BESIDES THESE THINGS I CAN NOW DO EVERYTHING I USED TO, THIS REALIZATION, WAS QUITE REWARDING TO MYSELF, YES THERE ARE THINGS THAT I'VE HAD TO LEARN DIFFERENTLY, BUT I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED THEM ANYWAY, CONSIDERING WHERE I CAME FROM, THIS IS PRETTY REMARKABLE, I STILL REALLY DESPISE MY LEFT ARM, AND CHOOSE TO TAKE A BREAK FROM THE BIOFEEDBACK, I KNOW I CAN GO BACK WHENEVER I FEEL READY TO, BUT I HAD REACHED A POINT WHERE THE PROGRESS WAS SO MINIMAL, I WAS JUST GETTING TO DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF THAT I NEEDED TO EASE THAT STRESS, SO I HAVEN'T BEEN IN AT LEAST 6 MONTHS, BUT SURPRISINGLY I HAVE NOTICED TINY MUSCLE DEVELOPMENT ANYWAY NOTHING OF USE BUT ITS STILL THERE, I'M NOT GIVING UP BY ANY MEANS MEARLY WORKING ON IT MY OWN. MY P.T. ASSURES ME THAT WHATEVER MY MUSCLES DID LEARN THEY WILL NEVER FORGET, SO I DON'T LOOSE ANY PROGRESS. BUT I NOTICED THAT BY TAKING THE TIME OFF IT SEEMED TO RELIEVE SOME OF MY DISCOURAGMENT I WAS FEELING BY NOT GETTING IT TO WORK, AFTER TRYING SO HARD FOR SO LONG NOT TO MENTION THE MONEY THAT I'M NOT SPENDING ON IT
GOD BLESS, TRULY TAMI
JUST THE OTHER DAY I REALIZED THAT THERE ARE ONLY 3 THINGS THAT I HAVEN'T ACCOMPLISHED YET FROM MY PREVIOUS LIFE,
-1. DRIVING
-2. WORKING
-3. BRAIDING HAIR
BESIDES THESE THINGS I CAN NOW DO EVERYTHING I USED TO, THIS REALIZATION, WAS QUITE REWARDING TO MYSELF, YES THERE ARE THINGS THAT I'VE HAD TO LEARN DIFFERENTLY, BUT I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED THEM ANYWAY, CONSIDERING WHERE I CAME FROM, THIS IS PRETTY REMARKABLE, I STILL REALLY DESPISE MY LEFT ARM, AND CHOOSE TO TAKE A BREAK FROM THE BIOFEEDBACK, I KNOW I CAN GO BACK WHENEVER I FEEL READY TO, BUT I HAD REACHED A POINT WHERE THE PROGRESS WAS SO MINIMAL, I WAS JUST GETTING TO DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF THAT I NEEDED TO EASE THAT STRESS, SO I HAVEN'T BEEN IN AT LEAST 6 MONTHS, BUT SURPRISINGLY I HAVE NOTICED TINY MUSCLE DEVELOPMENT ANYWAY NOTHING OF USE BUT ITS STILL THERE, I'M NOT GIVING UP BY ANY MEANS MEARLY WORKING ON IT MY OWN. MY P.T. ASSURES ME THAT WHATEVER MY MUSCLES DID LEARN THEY WILL NEVER FORGET, SO I DON'T LOOSE ANY PROGRESS. BUT I NOTICED THAT BY TAKING THE TIME OFF IT SEEMED TO RELIEVE SOME OF MY DISCOURAGMENT I WAS FEELING BY NOT GETTING IT TO WORK, AFTER TRYING SO HARD FOR SO LONG NOT TO MENTION THE MONEY THAT I'M NOT SPENDING ON IT
GOD BLESS, TRULY TAMI
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
HAPPY RE-BIRTHDAY TO ME
*** 3 YEARS OF MY NEW LIFE AUGUST 31ST WAS MY SURVIVOR ANNIVERSARY, IN 3 YEARS I HAVE COME SO FAR I WENT FROM BEING AS COMPETENT AS A 1 YEAR OLD,TO BECOMING A STAY-AT-HOME MOM TO MY BEAUTIFUL ANGELS
I STILL HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO TO BE WHERE I WANT TO BE, BUT I AM DOING PRETTY DAMN AWESOME FOR A "SPECIALTY WOMAN", I CANT SAY I'M HAPPY IN THIS BODY, BUT I AM GETTING BETTER AT JUST BEING COMFORTABLE, I'M HOPING AS ALWAYS THAT IF I JUST GET TO COMFORTABLE IN THIS BODY, GOD MIGHT THINK I'VE LEARNED WHATEVER LESSON HE'S TEACHING ME, AND CAN CROSS MY NAME OFF THE TO DO LIST WISHFUL THINKING I KNOW
JUST 2 NIGHTS AGO MY FAMILY TOOK ME TO AN AMPHITHEATER FOR A SHOW, AND I WAS STRUGGLING WALKING DOWN THE STEEP STAIRS TO MY SEAT, AND I TOLD MY UNCLE "THAT I WANTED TO SCREAM", CUZ I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL AGAIN, HE SAID INSTANTLY, " HEY BE HAPPY YOU CAN DO THIS MUCH" HE'S EXACTLY RIGHT SOME DAYS I LOOSE TRACK OF SIMPLE THINGS LIKE THAT, I WAS GRATEFUL TO BE AT LEAST THAT GOOD, CONSIDERING, 3 YEARS AGO DOCTORS DIDN'T TRUST ME TO BREATHE ON MY OWN, WELL NEENER NEENER DOCS THEY DIDN'T KNOW WHO THEY WERE DEALING WITH, I HAVE MANY INCREDIBLE GUARDING ANGELS WITH ME DAILY
BOTH MY BABIES STARTED SCHOOL LAST MONTH HOW DID THAT HAPPEN SO FAST, I GET TO WALK LILLI TO HER SCHOOL,BUT I MAKE SURE TO HOLD MY HEAD HIGH AND SMILE TO ANYONE THAT MIGHT STARE, I KNOW ITS JUST CURIOSITY, I KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT THAT BECAUSE OF THIS, MY GIRLS ARE SO COMPATIONATE
GOD BLESS ALL
LOVE TAMI
I STILL HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO TO BE WHERE I WANT TO BE, BUT I AM DOING PRETTY DAMN AWESOME FOR A "SPECIALTY WOMAN", I CANT SAY I'M HAPPY IN THIS BODY, BUT I AM GETTING BETTER AT JUST BEING COMFORTABLE, I'M HOPING AS ALWAYS THAT IF I JUST GET TO COMFORTABLE IN THIS BODY, GOD MIGHT THINK I'VE LEARNED WHATEVER LESSON HE'S TEACHING ME, AND CAN CROSS MY NAME OFF THE TO DO LIST WISHFUL THINKING I KNOW
JUST 2 NIGHTS AGO MY FAMILY TOOK ME TO AN AMPHITHEATER FOR A SHOW, AND I WAS STRUGGLING WALKING DOWN THE STEEP STAIRS TO MY SEAT, AND I TOLD MY UNCLE "THAT I WANTED TO SCREAM", CUZ I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL AGAIN, HE SAID INSTANTLY, " HEY BE HAPPY YOU CAN DO THIS MUCH" HE'S EXACTLY RIGHT SOME DAYS I LOOSE TRACK OF SIMPLE THINGS LIKE THAT, I WAS GRATEFUL TO BE AT LEAST THAT GOOD, CONSIDERING, 3 YEARS AGO DOCTORS DIDN'T TRUST ME TO BREATHE ON MY OWN, WELL NEENER NEENER DOCS THEY DIDN'T KNOW WHO THEY WERE DEALING WITH, I HAVE MANY INCREDIBLE GUARDING ANGELS WITH ME DAILY
BOTH MY BABIES STARTED SCHOOL LAST MONTH HOW DID THAT HAPPEN SO FAST, I GET TO WALK LILLI TO HER SCHOOL,BUT I MAKE SURE TO HOLD MY HEAD HIGH AND SMILE TO ANYONE THAT MIGHT STARE, I KNOW ITS JUST CURIOSITY, I KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT THAT BECAUSE OF THIS, MY GIRLS ARE SO COMPATIONATE
GOD BLESS ALL
LOVE TAMI
Monday, August 15, 2011
CLEAR THE ROADS
THOSE LOVELY ANGELS, THAT DRIVE ME PLACES WILL BE PLEASED TO KNOW, I TOOK ANOTHER DRIVING EVALUATION LAST WEEK, IT HAS BEEN JUST OVER A YEAR SINCE MY FIRST TEST, AND I DID AWESOME THIS TIME, SO AS I'M ABOUT TO BE 30, I'M READY TO START DRIVING SCHOOL,BESIDES FIXING MY GIRLS HAIR DRIVING IS ON THE TOP 5 TO DO LIST, BUT MANY THINK I DON'T DRIVE BECAUSE OF BEING 1 ARMED, BUT I'VE REALLY BEEN WAITING FOR MY BRAIN TO HEAL, MY VISION IS SCREWY, AND I'M VERY JUMPY, BUT I'M SLOWLY GETTING BETTER, EVERY LITTLE STEP COUNTS, I'M FULLY AWARE, THAT DRIVING LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, IS STILL IN THE DISTANCE, BUT I'VE GOT TO START SOME WHERE, UNPOPULATED AREA, OF COURSE THE GIRLS HAVE NO MEMORY OF ME FROM BEFORE, SO THE IDEA OF MOM DRIVING IS UN HEARD OF, AND I'VE TOLD THEM THEY WONT BE RIDING WITH MOM FOR A VERY LONG TIME
I MAY NOT DRIVE YET BUT MY WALKING STAMINA, IS GETTING MUCH BETTER,I SAY STAMINA BECAUSE, I HAVE TERRIBLE FORM, I LOOK FUNNY, BUT I'M OK WITH THAT BY NOW, I'M HAPPY TO BE INDEPENDENT.
MY JOURNEY CONTINUES
GOD BLESS
LOVE TAMI
I MAY NOT DRIVE YET BUT MY WALKING STAMINA, IS GETTING MUCH BETTER,I SAY STAMINA BECAUSE, I HAVE TERRIBLE FORM, I LOOK FUNNY, BUT I'M OK WITH THAT BY NOW, I'M HAPPY TO BE INDEPENDENT.
MY JOURNEY CONTINUES
GOD BLESS
LOVE TAMI
Thursday, July 7, 2011
RELEARN
AS I WAS JUST MAKING A PEANUT-BUTTER/JELLY SANDWICH, AND TRYING TO BRACE THE PLATE WITH MY HIP SO I CAN SPRED THE PEANUT-BUTTER, IT OCCURED TO ME THAT I HAVE HAD NEARLY 3 YEARS IN THIS NEW AND COMPLICATED BODY, I HAVE ADAPTED TO BEING IN MY WORLD WITH 1 HAND, SO MUCH THAT AT TIMES I ACTUALLY HAVE TO REMEMBER WHAT LIFE IS LIKE WITH 2 HANDS, I CAN HARDLY WAIT TO "RELEARN" SO MANY THINGS WITH 2 HANDS AGAIN LIKE GETTING DRESSED WITH 2 HANDS OR LEARN TO TIE SHOES AGAIN BRADE HAIR, AND DO A PONYTAIL DRIVE, OH HOW MY LIST COULD GO ON AND ON, I WANT TO HOLD A NEW BABY WHILE STANDING UP, A DOCTOR SEUSE THOUGHT COMES TO MIND "OH THE WONDERFUL THINGS"
IN 3 LONG YEARS, I FEEL LIKE I HAD TO START BACK AT ABOUT 10 MONTHS OLD, AND COMPLETELY START OVER WITH THE MOST BASIC TASKS, AND YET AT 3 YEARS OLD I STILL CAN'T CLAP, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A SENSE OF HUMOR, AND I CAN SURELY LAUGH AT MYSELF, BUT SERIOUSLY, ONCE MY HAND/ARM COMES BACK, I WILL SEE THE WORLD THROUGH NEW EYES, AND I JOKE, BUT I REALLY MEAN IT, I WILL WAVE AT EVERY PERSON I SEE, JUST LIKE A BABY WOULD, I WRITE ALL THESE ENTRIES NOT SO MUCH FOR ANYONE ELSE, BUT FOR ME TO LOOK BACK AT, ONCE I'VE CONQUERED MY WORLD
GOD BLESS
LOVE TAMI
IN 3 LONG YEARS, I FEEL LIKE I HAD TO START BACK AT ABOUT 10 MONTHS OLD, AND COMPLETELY START OVER WITH THE MOST BASIC TASKS, AND YET AT 3 YEARS OLD I STILL CAN'T CLAP, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A SENSE OF HUMOR, AND I CAN SURELY LAUGH AT MYSELF, BUT SERIOUSLY, ONCE MY HAND/ARM COMES BACK, I WILL SEE THE WORLD THROUGH NEW EYES, AND I JOKE, BUT I REALLY MEAN IT, I WILL WAVE AT EVERY PERSON I SEE, JUST LIKE A BABY WOULD, I WRITE ALL THESE ENTRIES NOT SO MUCH FOR ANYONE ELSE, BUT FOR ME TO LOOK BACK AT, ONCE I'VE CONQUERED MY WORLD
GOD BLESS
LOVE TAMI
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
bring me a miracle
SO ALBERTS CO-WORKER ASKED IF HE BELIEVED IN MIRACLES, ALBERT SAID PROVE IT, SO THEY ASKED IF THEY COULD PRAY FOR A MIRACLE FOR MY LEFT SIDE
I AM ALWAYS GRATEFUL FOR PRAYERS, AND HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE, SO ABSOLUTELY ASK AWAY I THOUGHT, WELL WE'VE ALL SEEN THOSE SHOWS WHERE A CHURCH HEALS SOMEONE MIRACULOUSLY RIGHT I WASN'T QUITE EXPECTING THE WHOLE PROCESS, I GOT TO THEIR CHURCH AND ABOUT 20 PEOPLE ALL SPOKE SPANISH EXCEPT 1 TRANSLATOR THEY GOT OIL ON THEIR HANDS PLACED THEM ON ME INSTANTLY I FELT OVERWHELMED WITH WARM ENERGY AND TEARS STARTED FALLING THEY CHANTED/SANG AND PRAYED INTENSLY FOR ABOUT 30 MIN THEY HAD EXPLAINED THAT THEY ARE JUST ASKING GOD FOR A MIRACLE NOT PERFORMING ONE, AND THAT I JUST NEEDED TO HAVE FAITH IN THE LORD TO HEAL ME
IT WAS ABSOLUTELY POWERFUL, ONCE THEY STOPPED PRAYING, AND MOVED THEIR HANDS AWAY MY WHOLE BODY JUST FELT FLOATY AND WARM COMPLETELY PAIN FREE IT'S REALLY HARD TO PUT INTO WORDS HOW I FELT
NOW I TRULY BELIEVE MY LIFE IS ALREADY A MIRACLE, BUT IT CAN'T HURT TO ASK FOR A MORE SPECIFIC ONE MAINLY FOR USE OF MY ARM/HAND,NO MIRACLE TO REPORT JUST YET, BUT I'M HOPEFUL, AND WILL BE PATIENT, IN GODS TIME MY ARM WILL RETURN.
IN ALL IT WAS A REMARKABLE EXPIRIENCE, FOR MYSELF AND MY LITTLE FAMILY, THE GIRLS WERE JUST SHOCKED AT THE WHOLE THING, LILLI SAID" I WAS CRYING AND DIDN'T KNOW WHY MOM" ELLA SAID "OKAY MOM WE PRAYED WHERE IS YOUR HAPPY HAND?"
I AM ALWAYS GRATEFUL FOR PRAYERS, AND HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE, SO ABSOLUTELY ASK AWAY I THOUGHT, WELL WE'VE ALL SEEN THOSE SHOWS WHERE A CHURCH HEALS SOMEONE MIRACULOUSLY RIGHT I WASN'T QUITE EXPECTING THE WHOLE PROCESS, I GOT TO THEIR CHURCH AND ABOUT 20 PEOPLE ALL SPOKE SPANISH EXCEPT 1 TRANSLATOR THEY GOT OIL ON THEIR HANDS PLACED THEM ON ME INSTANTLY I FELT OVERWHELMED WITH WARM ENERGY AND TEARS STARTED FALLING THEY CHANTED/SANG AND PRAYED INTENSLY FOR ABOUT 30 MIN THEY HAD EXPLAINED THAT THEY ARE JUST ASKING GOD FOR A MIRACLE NOT PERFORMING ONE, AND THAT I JUST NEEDED TO HAVE FAITH IN THE LORD TO HEAL ME
IT WAS ABSOLUTELY POWERFUL, ONCE THEY STOPPED PRAYING, AND MOVED THEIR HANDS AWAY MY WHOLE BODY JUST FELT FLOATY AND WARM COMPLETELY PAIN FREE IT'S REALLY HARD TO PUT INTO WORDS HOW I FELT
NOW I TRULY BELIEVE MY LIFE IS ALREADY A MIRACLE, BUT IT CAN'T HURT TO ASK FOR A MORE SPECIFIC ONE MAINLY FOR USE OF MY ARM/HAND,NO MIRACLE TO REPORT JUST YET, BUT I'M HOPEFUL, AND WILL BE PATIENT, IN GODS TIME MY ARM WILL RETURN.
IN ALL IT WAS A REMARKABLE EXPIRIENCE, FOR MYSELF AND MY LITTLE FAMILY, THE GIRLS WERE JUST SHOCKED AT THE WHOLE THING, LILLI SAID" I WAS CRYING AND DIDN'T KNOW WHY MOM" ELLA SAID "OKAY MOM WE PRAYED WHERE IS YOUR HAPPY HAND?"
Thursday, June 30, 2011
TRAVELING
I HAVE NEGLECTED POSTING, DUE TO MY BUSY LIFE
IN MAY, THE GIRLS,AND I TOOK A TRIP TO CALIFORNIA WITH ALBERTS FAMILY
IN JUNE, THE GIRLS AND I FLEW TO NORTH DAKOTA TO STAY WITH MY MOM-TERESA FOR 2 WEEKS
I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT BOTH TRIPS, BUT NOT ENOUGH TIME TO SIT AND TYPE IT ALL
:CALIFORNIA: I HAD BEEN ONCE BEFORE, A YEAR AND A HALF AGO, AND IT WAS VERY REWARDING FOR ME TO COMPARE MY RECOVERY FROM THE FIRST TRIP AND SECOND, SINCE I LIVE WITH MY BODY DAILY, I TEND TO FORGET THAT I'M STILL GETTING BETTER/STRONGER, I FEEL STAGNANT IN MY RECOVERY, BUT ON THIS TRIP I HAD MADE A CHOICE FOR MYSELF THAT THERE WOULD BE NO EXCEPTIONS OR ALTERING ANYTHING FOR ME, I WAS GOING TO CONTINUE ON WITH EVERYONE ELSE JUST THE SAME I WAS EXHAUSTED, BUT MANAGED IT
:NORTH DAKOTA, WAS VERY INTIMIDATING TO ME, TO FLY WITH JUST ME AND 2 CHILDREN BEING THAT I SOMETIMES NEED JUST AS MUCH HELP AS A CHILD, SO WE ASKED FOR DISABILITY ASSISTANCE AMAZING I SHOULD'VE ALWAYS FLOWN THAT WAY THEY WERE GREAT THEY TOOK CARE OF ME AND MY GIRLS WERE SO GOOD AT BEHAVING AND STAYING RIGHT WITH ME
WE STAYED FOR 2 VERY FUN WEEKS, ALBERT WAS GOING TOTALLY NUTS WITHOUT US HOME,ON OUR TRIP TERESA'S HUSBAND TOOK ME FOR A DRIVING LESSON IN HIS BIG YUKON, NOW I HAVEN'T BEEN IN A DRIVERS SEAT FOR NEARLY 3 YEARS, AND JUST AS I SUSPECTED I AM EXTREMLY DANGEROUS MAKING LEFT-HAND TURNS BUT IT WAS VERY NEAT TO SEE WHAT I NEED TO WORK ON, TERESA HAD ME USE HER RIDING LAWN MOWER TO PRACTICE DRIVING OF SORTS I DROVE IT FINE BUT I'M AN AWFUL LANDSCAPER WE HAD A GREAT TIME MEETING EVERYONE TERESA KNOWS AND SEEING HER LIFE THERE, WE EVEN DROVE UP TO CANADA FOR A DAY JUST FOR FUN
I REALLY SHOULD'VE DONE 2 SEPARATE ENTRIES I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY, AND MY GIRLS ARE GETTING INTO TROUBLE AS I TYPE, SO QUICK CLOSING
I'M SLOWLY TRYING THINGS OUTSIDE MY COMFORT ZONE
GOD BLESS
LOVE TAMI
IN MAY, THE GIRLS,AND I TOOK A TRIP TO CALIFORNIA WITH ALBERTS FAMILY
IN JUNE, THE GIRLS AND I FLEW TO NORTH DAKOTA TO STAY WITH MY MOM-TERESA FOR 2 WEEKS
I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT BOTH TRIPS, BUT NOT ENOUGH TIME TO SIT AND TYPE IT ALL
:CALIFORNIA: I HAD BEEN ONCE BEFORE, A YEAR AND A HALF AGO, AND IT WAS VERY REWARDING FOR ME TO COMPARE MY RECOVERY FROM THE FIRST TRIP AND SECOND, SINCE I LIVE WITH MY BODY DAILY, I TEND TO FORGET THAT I'M STILL GETTING BETTER/STRONGER, I FEEL STAGNANT IN MY RECOVERY, BUT ON THIS TRIP I HAD MADE A CHOICE FOR MYSELF THAT THERE WOULD BE NO EXCEPTIONS OR ALTERING ANYTHING FOR ME, I WAS GOING TO CONTINUE ON WITH EVERYONE ELSE JUST THE SAME I WAS EXHAUSTED, BUT MANAGED IT
:NORTH DAKOTA, WAS VERY INTIMIDATING TO ME, TO FLY WITH JUST ME AND 2 CHILDREN BEING THAT I SOMETIMES NEED JUST AS MUCH HELP AS A CHILD, SO WE ASKED FOR DISABILITY ASSISTANCE AMAZING I SHOULD'VE ALWAYS FLOWN THAT WAY THEY WERE GREAT THEY TOOK CARE OF ME AND MY GIRLS WERE SO GOOD AT BEHAVING AND STAYING RIGHT WITH ME
WE STAYED FOR 2 VERY FUN WEEKS, ALBERT WAS GOING TOTALLY NUTS WITHOUT US HOME,ON OUR TRIP TERESA'S HUSBAND TOOK ME FOR A DRIVING LESSON IN HIS BIG YUKON, NOW I HAVEN'T BEEN IN A DRIVERS SEAT FOR NEARLY 3 YEARS, AND JUST AS I SUSPECTED I AM EXTREMLY DANGEROUS MAKING LEFT-HAND TURNS BUT IT WAS VERY NEAT TO SEE WHAT I NEED TO WORK ON, TERESA HAD ME USE HER RIDING LAWN MOWER TO PRACTICE DRIVING OF SORTS I DROVE IT FINE BUT I'M AN AWFUL LANDSCAPER WE HAD A GREAT TIME MEETING EVERYONE TERESA KNOWS AND SEEING HER LIFE THERE, WE EVEN DROVE UP TO CANADA FOR A DAY JUST FOR FUN
I REALLY SHOULD'VE DONE 2 SEPARATE ENTRIES I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY, AND MY GIRLS ARE GETTING INTO TROUBLE AS I TYPE, SO QUICK CLOSING
I'M SLOWLY TRYING THINGS OUTSIDE MY COMFORT ZONE
GOD BLESS
LOVE TAMI
Sunday, May 15, 2011
SECOND VISIT TO SAN DIEGO
I HAD THE CHANCE TO GO TO SAN DIEGO WITH ALBERT'S FAMILY LAST WEEK I HAVE ONLY BEEN ONCE BEFORE ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF AGO IT WAS MY FIRST TRIP AWAY AFTER MY STROKE I WAS QUITE APPREHENSIVE ABOUT GOING SINCE I WAS STILL ADJUSTING TO MYSELF
MY GOAL ON THIS TRIP WAS TO MAKE SURE NO EXCEPTIONS WERE NEEDED ON MY PART I WAS GOING TO BE EXACTLY LIKE EVERYONE ELSE AND KEEP UP NO MATTER WHAT, AND TO SEE MY PROGRESS SINCE THE FIRST VISIT WAS VERY REWARDING TO ME THE THINGS I HAD STRUGGLED WITH BEFORE HAD BEEN NO TROUBLE AT ALL
I DID KEEP UP WITH THE BUSY SCHEDULE IT WAS EXHAUSTING FOR SURE, BUT I WAS SET ON BEING JUST LIKE THE REST EVEN IF I AM MUCH SLOWER AND 1 HANDED NO ONE HAD TO HELP OR CHANGE ANY THING FOR ME ALTHOUGH I DID NEED SOME HELP WITH FIXING HAIR FOR MYSELF AND THE GIRLS I ONLY STAYED 4 DAYS, BUT THE GIRLS GRANDMA'S WANTED TO KEEP THEM LONGER SO THE GIRLS STAYED AN EXTRA 5 DAYS AND HAD A BLAST
SO THE WHOLE TRIP HELPED REMIND ME HOW FAR I'VE COME IN THE LAST 8 MONTHS OR SO I'VE BEEN GETTING DISCOURAGE FEELING LIKE I WAS IMPROVING AS MUCH AS I SHOULD BE
MY GOAL ON THIS TRIP WAS TO MAKE SURE NO EXCEPTIONS WERE NEEDED ON MY PART I WAS GOING TO BE EXACTLY LIKE EVERYONE ELSE AND KEEP UP NO MATTER WHAT, AND TO SEE MY PROGRESS SINCE THE FIRST VISIT WAS VERY REWARDING TO ME THE THINGS I HAD STRUGGLED WITH BEFORE HAD BEEN NO TROUBLE AT ALL
I DID KEEP UP WITH THE BUSY SCHEDULE IT WAS EXHAUSTING FOR SURE, BUT I WAS SET ON BEING JUST LIKE THE REST EVEN IF I AM MUCH SLOWER AND 1 HANDED NO ONE HAD TO HELP OR CHANGE ANY THING FOR ME ALTHOUGH I DID NEED SOME HELP WITH FIXING HAIR FOR MYSELF AND THE GIRLS I ONLY STAYED 4 DAYS, BUT THE GIRLS GRANDMA'S WANTED TO KEEP THEM LONGER SO THE GIRLS STAYED AN EXTRA 5 DAYS AND HAD A BLAST
SO THE WHOLE TRIP HELPED REMIND ME HOW FAR I'VE COME IN THE LAST 8 MONTHS OR SO I'VE BEEN GETTING DISCOURAGE FEELING LIKE I WAS IMPROVING AS MUCH AS I SHOULD BE
Thursday, April 14, 2011
WHERE'S MY COACH?
SO IN MY HOUSE THE CONVERSATION OFTEN GOES STRAIGHT TO HOW I'M PROGRESSING OR HOW SOME THINK I SHOULD BE RECOVERING WHAT SHOULD I BE ABLE TO DO OR NOT DO AFTER YET ANOTHER LONG DEBATE OF THIS SAME OLD SAME OLD
SO I'M READY FOR A COACH THE KIND YOU SEE IN BOOT CAMP WITH A CLIPBOARD THAT SAYS OKAY TAMI NICE WORK OR THATS NOT GOOD ENOUGH TRY HARDER
I WISH THAT THEY ASSIGNED A PROGRESS COACH TO ME AT THE TIME I CAME HOME TO KEEP ME ON TRACK AND FOCUSSED, THE MORE TIME THAT PASSES MY MOTIVATION DRIFTS AWAY, AND FRUSTRATION GETS IN THE WAY: LOGICALLY I KNOW ITS THE WRONG PATH TO TAKE, AND EVEN AFTER 2 YEARS I'M STILL TRYING TO PROCESS ALL THAT HAS REALLY TAKEN PLACE
SO BASICALLY I WANT A REFEREE TO KEEP ME ON TRACK AND A COACH TO KICK MY ASS AND KEEP ME MOTIVATED FOR MY 25 YEARS I WOULD PICK A GOAL AND ACHIEVE IT NO QUESTIONS ASKED, AND NOW I SECOND GUESS EVERY THING I DON'T TRUST MY DECISION MAKING AND I'M JUST PLAIN SCARED OF MY BODY I'M A GROWN WOMAN YET HAVE SUCH DOUBT, IN MY DIRECTION HOW FORIEGN TO A WOMAN THAT WAS EXTREMELY SELF CONFIDANT AND HEAD STRONG
LIFE IS ODD
JUST MY THOUGHTS FOR THIS WEEK
GOD BLESS
TRULY TAMI
SO I'M READY FOR A COACH THE KIND YOU SEE IN BOOT CAMP WITH A CLIPBOARD THAT SAYS OKAY TAMI NICE WORK OR THATS NOT GOOD ENOUGH TRY HARDER
I WISH THAT THEY ASSIGNED A PROGRESS COACH TO ME AT THE TIME I CAME HOME TO KEEP ME ON TRACK AND FOCUSSED, THE MORE TIME THAT PASSES MY MOTIVATION DRIFTS AWAY, AND FRUSTRATION GETS IN THE WAY: LOGICALLY I KNOW ITS THE WRONG PATH TO TAKE, AND EVEN AFTER 2 YEARS I'M STILL TRYING TO PROCESS ALL THAT HAS REALLY TAKEN PLACE
SO BASICALLY I WANT A REFEREE TO KEEP ME ON TRACK AND A COACH TO KICK MY ASS AND KEEP ME MOTIVATED FOR MY 25 YEARS I WOULD PICK A GOAL AND ACHIEVE IT NO QUESTIONS ASKED, AND NOW I SECOND GUESS EVERY THING I DON'T TRUST MY DECISION MAKING AND I'M JUST PLAIN SCARED OF MY BODY I'M A GROWN WOMAN YET HAVE SUCH DOUBT, IN MY DIRECTION HOW FORIEGN TO A WOMAN THAT WAS EXTREMELY SELF CONFIDANT AND HEAD STRONG
LIFE IS ODD
JUST MY THOUGHTS FOR THIS WEEK
GOD BLESS
TRULY TAMI
Sunday, February 27, 2011
ITS WORKING MOM LOOK!
I HAVE BEEN DOING BIO-FEED-BACK TREATMENT ON MY LEFT ARM FOR WHAT FEELS LIKE FOREVER, BUT REALLY ONE AND A HAL YEARS THE PROGRESS IS PAINFULLY SLOW, AND DIFFICULT
MY MOST RECENT CHALLENGE HAS BEEN TRYING TO OPEN AND SHUT MY HAND THE MORE MUSCLES THAT ACTUALLY WORK THE LESS TENSE MY ARM IS
MY ELLA HAS NOTICED SHE SAW MY HAND LAYING OPEN ONE DAY, SO SHE STUCK HER FINGERS IN, AND I WANTED TO SHOW OFF SO I TIGHTENED MY HAND SHUT ON HER ITS EASIER TO SHUT MY HAND THAN OPEN IT SHE SPOKE WITH EXCITEMENT" MOM YOUR HAND IS GETTING HAPPY" THE GIRLS CALL IT MY SAD HAND THEY SAY MY WHOLE LEFT SIDE IS VERY SAD, AND IT IS
FOR ME TO SEE HER SO EXCITED FOR ME WAS VERY REWARDING THEY TRULY NOTICE ALL MY LITTLE IMPROVEMENTS
AND NOW I AM ABLE TO PULL MY FINGERS OPEN, AND HAVE THEM PUT STUFF IN IT FOR ME TO HOLD ONTO ITS NOT USEFUL, BUT IT IS VERY NEAT TO DO SOMETHING WITH IT.
PRACTICE PRACTICE MOM.
I HAVE BEEN GOING TO THERAPY EVERY OTHER WEEK TO SAVE ON COST, BUT WE DECIDED TO GO BACK TO MY SHOULDER LAST WEEK JUST TO DOUBLE CHECK THE MUSCLE STRENGTH FROM BEFORE, AND SURE ENOUGH IT WAS JUST FINE.
I JOKE THAT ONCE MY HAND DOES WORK I'M JUST GOING TO WAVE AT EVERONE, AND I REALLY WILL EVEN IF I LOOK SILLY I WILL BE SO EXCITED TO SHOW MY PROGRESS, LIKE A BABY LEARNING TO WAVE
I KNOW MY GIRLS WON'T MIND.
GOD BLESS
TRULY TAMI.
MY MOST RECENT CHALLENGE HAS BEEN TRYING TO OPEN AND SHUT MY HAND THE MORE MUSCLES THAT ACTUALLY WORK THE LESS TENSE MY ARM IS
MY ELLA HAS NOTICED SHE SAW MY HAND LAYING OPEN ONE DAY, SO SHE STUCK HER FINGERS IN, AND I WANTED TO SHOW OFF SO I TIGHTENED MY HAND SHUT ON HER ITS EASIER TO SHUT MY HAND THAN OPEN IT SHE SPOKE WITH EXCITEMENT" MOM YOUR HAND IS GETTING HAPPY" THE GIRLS CALL IT MY SAD HAND THEY SAY MY WHOLE LEFT SIDE IS VERY SAD, AND IT IS
FOR ME TO SEE HER SO EXCITED FOR ME WAS VERY REWARDING THEY TRULY NOTICE ALL MY LITTLE IMPROVEMENTS
AND NOW I AM ABLE TO PULL MY FINGERS OPEN, AND HAVE THEM PUT STUFF IN IT FOR ME TO HOLD ONTO ITS NOT USEFUL, BUT IT IS VERY NEAT TO DO SOMETHING WITH IT.
PRACTICE PRACTICE MOM.
I HAVE BEEN GOING TO THERAPY EVERY OTHER WEEK TO SAVE ON COST, BUT WE DECIDED TO GO BACK TO MY SHOULDER LAST WEEK JUST TO DOUBLE CHECK THE MUSCLE STRENGTH FROM BEFORE, AND SURE ENOUGH IT WAS JUST FINE.
I JOKE THAT ONCE MY HAND DOES WORK I'M JUST GOING TO WAVE AT EVERONE, AND I REALLY WILL EVEN IF I LOOK SILLY I WILL BE SO EXCITED TO SHOW MY PROGRESS, LIKE A BABY LEARNING TO WAVE
I KNOW MY GIRLS WON'T MIND.
GOD BLESS
TRULY TAMI.
Friday, February 18, 2011
MY GRAND CANYON
I THOUGHT I SHOULD WRITE THIS STORY WHILE ITS FRESH IN MY HEAD
MY ARM THERAPY MOVED TO A NEW BUILDING, WHICH HAS A GLASS ELEVATOR, AND YESTERDAY WE JUST HAPPENED TO HAVE OUR STROKE SUPPORT MEETING UPSTAIRS FOR THE FIRST TIME GETTING ON THE ELEVATOR AT FLOOR LEVEL WAS JUST AS HARD AS IS ANY ELEVATOR FOR ME,
BUT TO EXIT THE ELEVATOR ON THE SECOND FLOOR WAS QUITE DIFFICULT SINCE I COULD SEE DOWN,IN ALL IT WAS ALMOST 5 MINUTES JUST TO STEP OFF THROUGH THE WHOLE MEETING MY STOMACHE WAS TURNING KNOWING I WOULD HAVE TO GO DOWN AGAIN, MY GRANDMA ANN WAS WITH ME AND SO VERY PATIENT SO SHE WAS HOLDING MY HAND TO GET ON WHILE 2 ELDERLY WOMEN WITH WALKERS WAITED BEHIND ME SEEING IF THEY COULD HELP, WELL THE DOOR STARTED TO CLOSE ON ANN ALL THE WHILE I AM FROZEN WITH FEAR AND SHAKING WITH ANXIETY
ANYONE WOULD THINK I WAS STEPPING OVER THE GRAND CANYON, NOT ONTO AN ELEVATOR 1 FLOOR UP ONCE I GOT ON I HAD TO CONCENTRATE ON NOT LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW OR CRYING OVER MY EMBARASSMENT SERIOUSLY IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT TO PANIC OVER SUCH THINGS
ONCE I GOT OFF I WAS SHAKINGSO MUCH YOU'D THINK I JUST FOUGHT A SHARK, MY BEAUTIFUL GRANDMA SAYS" LETS DO IT AGAIN" TO CONQUER THE FEAR I THOUGHT I MIGHT PUKE
"NOT TODAY" I SAID THEN OFF TO THERAPY, MY P.T. STEVE IS SO KIND AND TRIES TO MAKE ME FEEL COMFORTABLE ABOUT MY BRAIN TROUBLES, AS WE WERE LEAVING MY GRANDMA SAYS SHE WANTS ME TO TRY THE ELEVATOR 10 TIMES TILL I'M OVER IT WHICH MAKES PERFECT SENSE, BUT I'LL HAVE TO WAIT TILL MY TRAUMA FADES I KNOW THERE WILL BE A DAY THAT I WON'T CRY OVER AN ELEVATOR OR HEIGHTS BUT FOR NOW I DID COME HOME AND CRY IT MAKES ME SCREAM INSIDE I'VE GOT TO BE TOUGHER THAN THAT. A WHOLE ENTRY ABOUT FEAR
IN THE MEEN TIME I HAVE BEEN WALKING THE GIRLS TO A NEW SPANISH PRESCHOOL THEY LOVE IT AND I'M HAVING FUN WATCHING THEM AND WE ALL LEARN SPANISH IT'S JUST WONDERFUL.
MY ARM THERAPY MOVED TO A NEW BUILDING, WHICH HAS A GLASS ELEVATOR, AND YESTERDAY WE JUST HAPPENED TO HAVE OUR STROKE SUPPORT MEETING UPSTAIRS FOR THE FIRST TIME GETTING ON THE ELEVATOR AT FLOOR LEVEL WAS JUST AS HARD AS IS ANY ELEVATOR FOR ME,
BUT TO EXIT THE ELEVATOR ON THE SECOND FLOOR WAS QUITE DIFFICULT SINCE I COULD SEE DOWN,IN ALL IT WAS ALMOST 5 MINUTES JUST TO STEP OFF THROUGH THE WHOLE MEETING MY STOMACHE WAS TURNING KNOWING I WOULD HAVE TO GO DOWN AGAIN, MY GRANDMA ANN WAS WITH ME AND SO VERY PATIENT SO SHE WAS HOLDING MY HAND TO GET ON WHILE 2 ELDERLY WOMEN WITH WALKERS WAITED BEHIND ME SEEING IF THEY COULD HELP, WELL THE DOOR STARTED TO CLOSE ON ANN ALL THE WHILE I AM FROZEN WITH FEAR AND SHAKING WITH ANXIETY
ANYONE WOULD THINK I WAS STEPPING OVER THE GRAND CANYON, NOT ONTO AN ELEVATOR 1 FLOOR UP ONCE I GOT ON I HAD TO CONCENTRATE ON NOT LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW OR CRYING OVER MY EMBARASSMENT SERIOUSLY IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT TO PANIC OVER SUCH THINGS
ONCE I GOT OFF I WAS SHAKINGSO MUCH YOU'D THINK I JUST FOUGHT A SHARK, MY BEAUTIFUL GRANDMA SAYS" LETS DO IT AGAIN" TO CONQUER THE FEAR I THOUGHT I MIGHT PUKE
"NOT TODAY" I SAID THEN OFF TO THERAPY, MY P.T. STEVE IS SO KIND AND TRIES TO MAKE ME FEEL COMFORTABLE ABOUT MY BRAIN TROUBLES, AS WE WERE LEAVING MY GRANDMA SAYS SHE WANTS ME TO TRY THE ELEVATOR 10 TIMES TILL I'M OVER IT WHICH MAKES PERFECT SENSE, BUT I'LL HAVE TO WAIT TILL MY TRAUMA FADES I KNOW THERE WILL BE A DAY THAT I WON'T CRY OVER AN ELEVATOR OR HEIGHTS BUT FOR NOW I DID COME HOME AND CRY IT MAKES ME SCREAM INSIDE I'VE GOT TO BE TOUGHER THAN THAT. A WHOLE ENTRY ABOUT FEAR
IN THE MEEN TIME I HAVE BEEN WALKING THE GIRLS TO A NEW SPANISH PRESCHOOL THEY LOVE IT AND I'M HAVING FUN WATCHING THEM AND WE ALL LEARN SPANISH IT'S JUST WONDERFUL.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
AFTER THE HOLIDAYS
WE HAVE LEARNED IN THE PAST THAT THE KIDS GET SPOILED BY PLENTY AT CHRISTMAS SO ALBERT AND I USUALLY GET THEM 1 BIG ITEM AND LRT THEM ENJOY THE REST OF THEIR GIFTS FROM AUNTS UNCLES GRANDMA'S AND SUCH
UNFORTUNATLY ALBERT LOST HIS JOB AT THE FIRST OF DECEMBER THE COMPANY SHUT DOWN AND OF CORSE I'M NOT WORKING YET SO THANK HEAVENS FOR MY DISABILITY INCOME, SO WE KNEW CHRISTMAS WAS NOT ABOUT GIFTS THIS YEAR I'M ODDLY AT PEACE WHEN IT COMES TO FINANCES I JOKE THAT THEY REMOVED MY WORRY SWITCH WHEN THEY CLEARED OUT MY BRAIN OTHER THAN ELEVATORS AND HEIGHTS NOT MUCH FREAKS ME OUT ANYMORE, BUT ELEVATORS AND HEIGHTS CAUSE ULTIMATE PANIC IN ME
SO CHRISTMAS WAS LOVELY THE GIRLS GOT PLENTY OF LOVE AND TOYS, ALBERTS FAMILY TRAVELED FROM SAN DIEGO THAT WAS REALLY FUN
NEW YEARS EVE THE FOUR OF US WENT DOWN TOWN TO THE FESTIVITIES OF SAINT GEORGE IT WAS FREEZING COLD, SO WE DIDN'T STAY FOR FIRE WORKS ALBERT GOT SPARKLERS AT THE STORE WE CAME HOME AND ACTUALLY STAYED UP TILL MIDNIGHT
MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTION IS THE BIGGEST I'VE HAD YET I PLAN ON GETTING MY DRIVERS LISENCE B Y SEPTEMBER WHICH WILL BE MY 30TH BIRTHDAY AFTER MY STROKE I WAS SO EXCITED FOR MY 30TH KNOWING HOW MUCH STRONGER I WOULD BE BY THEN I WAS RIGHT I STILL HAVE A MILLION THINGS I WANT TO DO OR THINGS I MISS SO MUCH, BUT I ALSO KNOW I HAVE ACOMPLISHED INCREDABLE THINGS IN THE TIME SINCE MY BRAIN BROKE, SO THIS YEAR IS MY YEAR TO PROVE MYSELF TO ME
MY ARM MAKES ME NUTS TO HAVE IT HANG THERE IS A CONSTANT UPSET TO ME ALTHOUGH I COULD NEVER GIVE UP HOPE OF GETTING IT BACK TO WORK IT'S EXTREMELY SLOW AND DIFFICULT, BUT I HAVE GAINED 4 MUSCLE MOVEMENTS IN IT WITH BIO FEEDBACK SESSIONS
I T HAD OCCURED TO ME ONE DAY THAT WHAT IF GODS WILL WAS TO LEAVE ME ONE SIDED FOR LIFE, AND I HAVE ALWAYS HAD TRUST IN GOD, BUT THAT THOUGHT DISTURBED ME, SO I TOLD TERESA, AND SHE SAID IF THAT WAS HIS PLAN HOW WOULD I FIND THIS AWSOME THERAPY THAT JUST HAPPENED TO BE ONE OF 17 IN THE COUNTRY IN MY SMALL TOWN THAT BROUGHT ME SMALL COMFORT
AS I START ANOTHER NEW YEAR OF RECOVERY I HAVE HIGH HOPES AND GOALS TO REACH
I AM GRATEFUL FOR ALL THE PRAYERS AND HELP I HAVE AND STILL DO RECIEVE
GOD BLESS, AND LOVE TO ALL
FROM TAMI
UNFORTUNATLY ALBERT LOST HIS JOB AT THE FIRST OF DECEMBER THE COMPANY SHUT DOWN AND OF CORSE I'M NOT WORKING YET SO THANK HEAVENS FOR MY DISABILITY INCOME, SO WE KNEW CHRISTMAS WAS NOT ABOUT GIFTS THIS YEAR I'M ODDLY AT PEACE WHEN IT COMES TO FINANCES I JOKE THAT THEY REMOVED MY WORRY SWITCH WHEN THEY CLEARED OUT MY BRAIN OTHER THAN ELEVATORS AND HEIGHTS NOT MUCH FREAKS ME OUT ANYMORE, BUT ELEVATORS AND HEIGHTS CAUSE ULTIMATE PANIC IN ME
SO CHRISTMAS WAS LOVELY THE GIRLS GOT PLENTY OF LOVE AND TOYS, ALBERTS FAMILY TRAVELED FROM SAN DIEGO THAT WAS REALLY FUN
NEW YEARS EVE THE FOUR OF US WENT DOWN TOWN TO THE FESTIVITIES OF SAINT GEORGE IT WAS FREEZING COLD, SO WE DIDN'T STAY FOR FIRE WORKS ALBERT GOT SPARKLERS AT THE STORE WE CAME HOME AND ACTUALLY STAYED UP TILL MIDNIGHT
MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTION IS THE BIGGEST I'VE HAD YET I PLAN ON GETTING MY DRIVERS LISENCE B Y SEPTEMBER WHICH WILL BE MY 30TH BIRTHDAY AFTER MY STROKE I WAS SO EXCITED FOR MY 30TH KNOWING HOW MUCH STRONGER I WOULD BE BY THEN I WAS RIGHT I STILL HAVE A MILLION THINGS I WANT TO DO OR THINGS I MISS SO MUCH, BUT I ALSO KNOW I HAVE ACOMPLISHED INCREDABLE THINGS IN THE TIME SINCE MY BRAIN BROKE, SO THIS YEAR IS MY YEAR TO PROVE MYSELF TO ME
MY ARM MAKES ME NUTS TO HAVE IT HANG THERE IS A CONSTANT UPSET TO ME ALTHOUGH I COULD NEVER GIVE UP HOPE OF GETTING IT BACK TO WORK IT'S EXTREMELY SLOW AND DIFFICULT, BUT I HAVE GAINED 4 MUSCLE MOVEMENTS IN IT WITH BIO FEEDBACK SESSIONS
I T HAD OCCURED TO ME ONE DAY THAT WHAT IF GODS WILL WAS TO LEAVE ME ONE SIDED FOR LIFE, AND I HAVE ALWAYS HAD TRUST IN GOD, BUT THAT THOUGHT DISTURBED ME, SO I TOLD TERESA, AND SHE SAID IF THAT WAS HIS PLAN HOW WOULD I FIND THIS AWSOME THERAPY THAT JUST HAPPENED TO BE ONE OF 17 IN THE COUNTRY IN MY SMALL TOWN THAT BROUGHT ME SMALL COMFORT
AS I START ANOTHER NEW YEAR OF RECOVERY I HAVE HIGH HOPES AND GOALS TO REACH
I AM GRATEFUL FOR ALL THE PRAYERS AND HELP I HAVE AND STILL DO RECIEVE
GOD BLESS, AND LOVE TO ALL
FROM TAMI
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
time flys
ITS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I HAVE MADE A POST I THINK OF IT OFTEN, BUT RARELY FIND THE TIME TO GET ON HERE
THANKSGIVING CAME AND WENT WE HAD A LOVELY DINNER AT AUNT MONICA'S AND A SURPRISE VISITOR MY BROTHER LOGAN STOPED IN AND STAYED THROUGH THE WEEK IT WAS VERY NICE MY GIRLS JUST HAVE SO MUCH FUN WITH HIM
I ALWAYS HAVE SO MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR SOME BIG THINGS AND LOTS OF LITTLE THINGS THAT ARE BIG TO ME
1. I CAN BATHE AND DRESS MYSELF WHICH MIGHT SEEM SMALL TO SOME INCLUDING ME AT ONE POINT, BUT WASN'T THE CASE FOR AWHILE
2. I CAN WALK AND TALK
3. I CONTINUE TO MAKE PROGRESS SMALL, BUT STILL THERE
IN ALL MY THANKS I STILL HAVE EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING MOMENTS THERE SEEMS TO BE NO AREA OF MY LIFE THAT HASN'T BEEN AFFECTED BY THAT BLASTED STROKE
I TRY TO KEEP THIS BLOG AS A REMINDER OF HOW FAR I'VE COME AND SO THAT WHEN ITS ALL A MEMORY I CAN READ THROUGH MY EXPERIENCE AND SEE LESSONS LEARNED, WHICH HAVE BEEN MANY
:DECEMBER 1ST I HAD A SURGERY TO UNFORTUNATELY STERILIZE ME A PREGNANCY COULD BE VERY DANGEROUS I KNEW THIS WAS SOMETHING THAT MADE LOGICAL SENSE, BUT IT WAS STILL EMOTIONALLY VERY HARD I ADORE MY DAUGHTERS AND BEING A MOM THE IDEA OF NEVER GETTING TO BE PREGNANT AGAIN BROKE MY HEART THE SURGERY WENT PERFECTLY DESPITE MY TROUBLESOME BLOOD
DECEMBER 10TH THE GIRLS AND I HAD THE OPRATUNATY TO TRAVEL WITH MY BROTHER TRAVIS AND HIS FAMILY TO YUMA ARIZONA FOR AN UNCLES WEDDING THE GIRS AND I STAYED AT MY UNCLE JERRY'S HOUSE WITH GRANDMA TERESA WE HAD A GREAT TIME, AND I WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE ALL THE FAMILY AND ALSO TO SHOW MY PROGRESS
CHRISTMAS WAS SMALL, BUT GREAT MY DAUGHTERS GIVE ME SO MUCH LIFE AND LOVE
NEW YEAR 2011 I LOOK FORWARD TO ANOTHER YEAR AND NEW GOALS BEFORE THIS STROKE THERE WAS NEVER A GOAL I DIDN'T REACH I PLAN TO CONTINUE IN THAT
MY ARM IS MY BIGGEST CHALLENGE I CURRENTLY HAVE MOVEMENT OF THE DELTOID BICEP AND TRICEP, NOTHING USEFUL YET, BUT PROOF THAT IT CAN BE DONE:A FEW WEEKS AGO THE THOUGHT OCURED TO ME THAT MAYBE GODS WILL IS TO HAVE ME LIVE WITH HALF A BODY,AND OH BOY THAT FREAKED ME OUT I HAVE ALWAYS HAD FAITH IN GOD,BUT I WOULD SERIOUSLY HAVE TROUBLE WITH THAT PLAN I KNOW THERE IS PURPOSE TO MY CHALLENGE, BUT I DO BEG FOR MERCY IN THAT AREA I'M TOUGH, BUT I STILL FEEL YOUNG AND COULDN'T BARE TO LIVE OUT MY YEARS WITH 1 ARM/HAND
I CONTINUE TO HAVE VERY FREQUENT FLASHBACKS OF MY TIME IN I.C.U ITS CRAZY TO ME HOW MUCH I REMEMBER IT MAKES ME NUTS TO ALWAYS THINK OF IT THE MOMENT MY EYES CLOSE OR IT GETS SILENT I AM RIGHT BACK THERE IN A COMA
I USE FACE BOOK A LOT AND HAVE COME IN CONTACT WITH MANY OTHER YOUNG SURVIVORS WHICH IS COMFORTING TO COMUNICATE WITH OTHERS FACING THE SAME CHALLENGES I EVEN MET A GIRL THAT HAD HER STROKE THE SAME WEEKEND, AND WE ARE EXACTLY THE SAME AGE
MY DAUGHTERS ARE MY BIGGEST HELPERS AND THE OLDER THEY GET THE MORE THEY CAN DO WITH ME I AM SOO VERY PROUD OF THEIR COMPASSION NOT JUST FOR MOM, BUT FOR ALL PEOPLE
I NOTICE THE LONGER IT TAKES ME TO GET BETTER THE LESS PATIENCE I HAVE WITH MYSELF
BUT ITS ALSO BEEN LONG ENOUGH THAT I FIND SOME OF ME FACINATING MY NEW FEARS AND REALITIES, AND HOW MY BRAIN IS HEALING DIFFERENT PARTS OF ME
I AM SO AMAZINGLY BLESSED BY THE ONES THAT EVEN AFTER 2 1/2 YEARS STILL HELP WHEN I NEED IT I STRUGLE WITH BEING DEPENDANT STILL FOR RIDES AND SUCH MY NEW YEAR RESOLUTION IS TO BE DRIVING BY SEPTEMBER MY 30TH BIRTHDAY
MY PHYSICAL THERAPIST HAD ME TESTED FOR SOME NEW DEVICES THAT HELP WITH MY ARM AND WALKING THE WALKING AID DIDN'T WORK TO WELL WITH MY FOOT,BUT THE HAND DEVICE MIGHT IN THE FUTURE ITS VERY PRICEY, SO TIME WILL TELL
IN CLOSING I AM STILL MOVING FORWARD A BIT SIDEWAYS, BUT FORWARD
GOD BLESS AND LOVE TO ALL.
TRULY TAMI.
THANKSGIVING CAME AND WENT WE HAD A LOVELY DINNER AT AUNT MONICA'S AND A SURPRISE VISITOR MY BROTHER LOGAN STOPED IN AND STAYED THROUGH THE WEEK IT WAS VERY NICE MY GIRLS JUST HAVE SO MUCH FUN WITH HIM
I ALWAYS HAVE SO MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR SOME BIG THINGS AND LOTS OF LITTLE THINGS THAT ARE BIG TO ME
1. I CAN BATHE AND DRESS MYSELF WHICH MIGHT SEEM SMALL TO SOME INCLUDING ME AT ONE POINT, BUT WASN'T THE CASE FOR AWHILE
2. I CAN WALK AND TALK
3. I CONTINUE TO MAKE PROGRESS SMALL, BUT STILL THERE
IN ALL MY THANKS I STILL HAVE EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING MOMENTS THERE SEEMS TO BE NO AREA OF MY LIFE THAT HASN'T BEEN AFFECTED BY THAT BLASTED STROKE
I TRY TO KEEP THIS BLOG AS A REMINDER OF HOW FAR I'VE COME AND SO THAT WHEN ITS ALL A MEMORY I CAN READ THROUGH MY EXPERIENCE AND SEE LESSONS LEARNED, WHICH HAVE BEEN MANY
:DECEMBER 1ST I HAD A SURGERY TO UNFORTUNATELY STERILIZE ME A PREGNANCY COULD BE VERY DANGEROUS I KNEW THIS WAS SOMETHING THAT MADE LOGICAL SENSE, BUT IT WAS STILL EMOTIONALLY VERY HARD I ADORE MY DAUGHTERS AND BEING A MOM THE IDEA OF NEVER GETTING TO BE PREGNANT AGAIN BROKE MY HEART THE SURGERY WENT PERFECTLY DESPITE MY TROUBLESOME BLOOD
DECEMBER 10TH THE GIRLS AND I HAD THE OPRATUNATY TO TRAVEL WITH MY BROTHER TRAVIS AND HIS FAMILY TO YUMA ARIZONA FOR AN UNCLES WEDDING THE GIRS AND I STAYED AT MY UNCLE JERRY'S HOUSE WITH GRANDMA TERESA WE HAD A GREAT TIME, AND I WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE ALL THE FAMILY AND ALSO TO SHOW MY PROGRESS
CHRISTMAS WAS SMALL, BUT GREAT MY DAUGHTERS GIVE ME SO MUCH LIFE AND LOVE
NEW YEAR 2011 I LOOK FORWARD TO ANOTHER YEAR AND NEW GOALS BEFORE THIS STROKE THERE WAS NEVER A GOAL I DIDN'T REACH I PLAN TO CONTINUE IN THAT
MY ARM IS MY BIGGEST CHALLENGE I CURRENTLY HAVE MOVEMENT OF THE DELTOID BICEP AND TRICEP, NOTHING USEFUL YET, BUT PROOF THAT IT CAN BE DONE:A FEW WEEKS AGO THE THOUGHT OCURED TO ME THAT MAYBE GODS WILL IS TO HAVE ME LIVE WITH HALF A BODY,AND OH BOY THAT FREAKED ME OUT I HAVE ALWAYS HAD FAITH IN GOD,BUT I WOULD SERIOUSLY HAVE TROUBLE WITH THAT PLAN I KNOW THERE IS PURPOSE TO MY CHALLENGE, BUT I DO BEG FOR MERCY IN THAT AREA I'M TOUGH, BUT I STILL FEEL YOUNG AND COULDN'T BARE TO LIVE OUT MY YEARS WITH 1 ARM/HAND
I CONTINUE TO HAVE VERY FREQUENT FLASHBACKS OF MY TIME IN I.C.U ITS CRAZY TO ME HOW MUCH I REMEMBER IT MAKES ME NUTS TO ALWAYS THINK OF IT THE MOMENT MY EYES CLOSE OR IT GETS SILENT I AM RIGHT BACK THERE IN A COMA
I USE FACE BOOK A LOT AND HAVE COME IN CONTACT WITH MANY OTHER YOUNG SURVIVORS WHICH IS COMFORTING TO COMUNICATE WITH OTHERS FACING THE SAME CHALLENGES I EVEN MET A GIRL THAT HAD HER STROKE THE SAME WEEKEND, AND WE ARE EXACTLY THE SAME AGE
MY DAUGHTERS ARE MY BIGGEST HELPERS AND THE OLDER THEY GET THE MORE THEY CAN DO WITH ME I AM SOO VERY PROUD OF THEIR COMPASSION NOT JUST FOR MOM, BUT FOR ALL PEOPLE
I NOTICE THE LONGER IT TAKES ME TO GET BETTER THE LESS PATIENCE I HAVE WITH MYSELF
BUT ITS ALSO BEEN LONG ENOUGH THAT I FIND SOME OF ME FACINATING MY NEW FEARS AND REALITIES, AND HOW MY BRAIN IS HEALING DIFFERENT PARTS OF ME
I AM SO AMAZINGLY BLESSED BY THE ONES THAT EVEN AFTER 2 1/2 YEARS STILL HELP WHEN I NEED IT I STRUGLE WITH BEING DEPENDANT STILL FOR RIDES AND SUCH MY NEW YEAR RESOLUTION IS TO BE DRIVING BY SEPTEMBER MY 30TH BIRTHDAY
MY PHYSICAL THERAPIST HAD ME TESTED FOR SOME NEW DEVICES THAT HELP WITH MY ARM AND WALKING THE WALKING AID DIDN'T WORK TO WELL WITH MY FOOT,BUT THE HAND DEVICE MIGHT IN THE FUTURE ITS VERY PRICEY, SO TIME WILL TELL
IN CLOSING I AM STILL MOVING FORWARD A BIT SIDEWAYS, BUT FORWARD
GOD BLESS AND LOVE TO ALL.
TRULY TAMI.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Vegas bound
THIS LAST WEEKEND, WE TOOK A TRIP TO LAS VEGAS, FOR ALBERTS SISTER AMANDA'S WEDDING. WE HAD BEEN PREPARING FOR WEEKS. PLANNING WHAT TO WEAR, AND GETTING MYSELF READY TO GO TO THE BUFFET ON MY OWN. SINCE ALBERT WOULD BE GETTING PLATES FOR THE KIDS, I KNEW I NEEDED TO BE ABLE TO GET AND CARRY MY OWN. THIS WOULD MEAN I NEEDED NO CANE, AND TO BE ABLE TO BALANCE MY PLATE.
WE ARRIVED ON FRIDAY MORNING AT OUR "CASTLE HOTEL" THE EXCALIBUR. THIS WAS INTENTIONAL SO THAT THE GIRLS COULD BE PRINCESSES. ALBERT HELD ELLAS HAND AND LILLI WALKED BY ME THROUGH CHECK- IN. WE FOUND OUR ROOM, AND SETTLED IN. LATER THAT NIGHT WE TRIED TO WALK OVER TO THE HOTEL THE REST OF THE FAMILY WAS IN. I DID FINE WITH THIS, AND WAS DETERMINED TO KEEP UP FOR THE WEEKEND. WELL ELEVATORS ARE AN ENEMY OF MINE, FOR SOME REASON. IT IS VERY HARD FOR ME TO STEP ON. I GET WORRIED THE DOORS WILL CLOSE TO SOON. I HAD DONE PRETTY DARN GOOD THE FIRST 5 OR SO ELEVATORS, BUT THINGS GOT REALLY BAD BY ABOUT NUMBER 8. WE WERE LOST AND JUST RIDING ELEVATORS WHEREVER, AND THEN DISASTER! THE ELEVATORS BECAME THE SEE- THROUGH GLASS ONES, AND SINCE MY STROKE I HAVE BEEN TERRIBLY SCARED OF HEIGHTS. I BECOME FROZEN WITH FEAR, FULL BLOWN PANIC. SO I COULDN'T BRING MYSELF TO GET ON. ALBERT FINALLY JUST GRABBED ME AND PUT ME IN ONE. THE NIGHT WAS A MESS AFTER THAT POINT. WE FINALLY GAVE UP AND WENT BACK TO OUR ROOM.
SATURDAY WAS THE WEDDING, SO WE ALL GOT DRESSED UP AND HEADED TO THEIR HOTEL. QUITE A LONG WALK FOR ME, BUT I WAS HANGING IN. DURING THE RECEPTION DINNER, I HAD TO TAKE THE GIRLS TO THE BATHROOM, AND WHILE WALKING, I STARTED TO LOSE FEELING IN MY LEFT LEG, AND THOUGHT IT WAS NOT GOING TO TAKE ANOTHER STEP. ONCE THE FEELING RETURNED, MY KNEE HURT LIKE HELL! IT WAS DONE. THEY DID A TOAST FOR THE BRIDE, AND SO I HAD A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE, NOT KNOWING THAT BY DRINKING, THAT IT WOULD IMPROVE MY WALK. BUT, IT DID. I COULD WALK BACK TO OUR HOTEL MUCH EASIER. I NEVER DRINK, SO ONE GLASS WAS ALL IT TOOK. BY THE TIME I WAS IN THE ROOM, MY KNEE HURT SOO BAD!! ALBERT AND THE FAMILY WERE GOING OUT TO A CLUB THAT NIGHT, AND OHH HOW MY HEART WANTED TO GO, BUT KNOWING MY BODY WOULDN'T MAKE IT, THE GIRLS AND I GOT PIZZA ROOM SERVICE, WHICH WAS EXTREMELY EXCITING TO THEM, AND MADE IT FUN FOR ME!
THIS IS VERY DETAILED, SO THAT WHEN I READ IT 2 YEARS FROM NOW, I CAN LAUGH AT HOW FAR I'VE COME, AFTER 2 DAYS IN VEGAS. SEEING ALL KINDS OF PRETTY YOUNG PEOPLE, IT WAS WEARING ON MY EGO A LOT! THAT THAT PHASE IN MY LIFE IS SOO FAR GONE. I KNOW THIS EVERY DAY, BUT SOMEHOW VEGAS MADE IT HARDER FOR ME TO TOLERATE. I WAS GETTING MORE AND MORE FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF EVERY MINUTE. IT WAS A BATTLE OVER BEING GRATEFUL FOR HOW FAR I'VE COME, BUT SEEING HOW FAR I WANT TO BE AT THE SAME TIME.
IN THE END, I MADE IT THROUGH, AND HAD SOME FUN. I'M IN NO HURRY TO GO BACK. I NEED ONE MORE YEAR OF RECOVERY I THINK, AND SOME COUNSELING, TO ACCEPT MYSELF AND MY NEW LIFE, IN CONTRAST WITH OTHER 20 SOMETHING PEOPLE. I KEPT AND KEEP REMINDING MYSELF THAT THIS IS TEMPORARY LONG, BUT TEMPORARY I WILL CHOOSE TO KEEP GOING.
MAYBE NEXT TIME I WILL DANCE!
GOD BLESS,
TAKE CARE,
LOVE TAMI.
WE ARRIVED ON FRIDAY MORNING AT OUR "CASTLE HOTEL" THE EXCALIBUR. THIS WAS INTENTIONAL SO THAT THE GIRLS COULD BE PRINCESSES. ALBERT HELD ELLAS HAND AND LILLI WALKED BY ME THROUGH CHECK- IN. WE FOUND OUR ROOM, AND SETTLED IN. LATER THAT NIGHT WE TRIED TO WALK OVER TO THE HOTEL THE REST OF THE FAMILY WAS IN. I DID FINE WITH THIS, AND WAS DETERMINED TO KEEP UP FOR THE WEEKEND. WELL ELEVATORS ARE AN ENEMY OF MINE, FOR SOME REASON. IT IS VERY HARD FOR ME TO STEP ON. I GET WORRIED THE DOORS WILL CLOSE TO SOON. I HAD DONE PRETTY DARN GOOD THE FIRST 5 OR SO ELEVATORS, BUT THINGS GOT REALLY BAD BY ABOUT NUMBER 8. WE WERE LOST AND JUST RIDING ELEVATORS WHEREVER, AND THEN DISASTER! THE ELEVATORS BECAME THE SEE- THROUGH GLASS ONES, AND SINCE MY STROKE I HAVE BEEN TERRIBLY SCARED OF HEIGHTS. I BECOME FROZEN WITH FEAR, FULL BLOWN PANIC. SO I COULDN'T BRING MYSELF TO GET ON. ALBERT FINALLY JUST GRABBED ME AND PUT ME IN ONE. THE NIGHT WAS A MESS AFTER THAT POINT. WE FINALLY GAVE UP AND WENT BACK TO OUR ROOM.
SATURDAY WAS THE WEDDING, SO WE ALL GOT DRESSED UP AND HEADED TO THEIR HOTEL. QUITE A LONG WALK FOR ME, BUT I WAS HANGING IN. DURING THE RECEPTION DINNER, I HAD TO TAKE THE GIRLS TO THE BATHROOM, AND WHILE WALKING, I STARTED TO LOSE FEELING IN MY LEFT LEG, AND THOUGHT IT WAS NOT GOING TO TAKE ANOTHER STEP. ONCE THE FEELING RETURNED, MY KNEE HURT LIKE HELL! IT WAS DONE. THEY DID A TOAST FOR THE BRIDE, AND SO I HAD A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE, NOT KNOWING THAT BY DRINKING, THAT IT WOULD IMPROVE MY WALK. BUT, IT DID. I COULD WALK BACK TO OUR HOTEL MUCH EASIER. I NEVER DRINK, SO ONE GLASS WAS ALL IT TOOK. BY THE TIME I WAS IN THE ROOM, MY KNEE HURT SOO BAD!! ALBERT AND THE FAMILY WERE GOING OUT TO A CLUB THAT NIGHT, AND OHH HOW MY HEART WANTED TO GO, BUT KNOWING MY BODY WOULDN'T MAKE IT, THE GIRLS AND I GOT PIZZA ROOM SERVICE, WHICH WAS EXTREMELY EXCITING TO THEM, AND MADE IT FUN FOR ME!
THIS IS VERY DETAILED, SO THAT WHEN I READ IT 2 YEARS FROM NOW, I CAN LAUGH AT HOW FAR I'VE COME, AFTER 2 DAYS IN VEGAS. SEEING ALL KINDS OF PRETTY YOUNG PEOPLE, IT WAS WEARING ON MY EGO A LOT! THAT THAT PHASE IN MY LIFE IS SOO FAR GONE. I KNOW THIS EVERY DAY, BUT SOMEHOW VEGAS MADE IT HARDER FOR ME TO TOLERATE. I WAS GETTING MORE AND MORE FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF EVERY MINUTE. IT WAS A BATTLE OVER BEING GRATEFUL FOR HOW FAR I'VE COME, BUT SEEING HOW FAR I WANT TO BE AT THE SAME TIME.
IN THE END, I MADE IT THROUGH, AND HAD SOME FUN. I'M IN NO HURRY TO GO BACK. I NEED ONE MORE YEAR OF RECOVERY I THINK, AND SOME COUNSELING, TO ACCEPT MYSELF AND MY NEW LIFE, IN CONTRAST WITH OTHER 20 SOMETHING PEOPLE. I KEPT AND KEEP REMINDING MYSELF THAT THIS IS TEMPORARY LONG, BUT TEMPORARY I WILL CHOOSE TO KEEP GOING.
MAYBE NEXT TIME I WILL DANCE!
GOD BLESS,
TAKE CARE,
LOVE TAMI.
Friday, October 1, 2010
September review
WOW! TIME GOES TOO FAST. I KEPT THINKING I'LL GET ON HERE AND TELL ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY. WE WENT OUT TO DINNER AS A FAMILY FRIDAY NIGHT. EVERY TIME THEY WOULD ANNOUNCE ---- PARTY OF 5 YOUR TABLE IS READY, LILLI WOULD LOOK AROUND AND SAY WHERE'S THE PARTY? I WANT TO GO. SO I TOLD HER WE WERE A PARTY OF 4, AND WHEN WE LEFT LILLI SAID "WAIT MOM, WE MISSED THE PARTY FOR 4!" She is always making us laugh!
Sunday morning, my actual birthday, the girls had a cake for me, and we had it for breakfast. Grandma Ann took us to Golden Corral for lunch, and Aunt Patty and Uncle Riley came. It was very yummy and fun. Grandma made me a card to celebrate my 2nd birthday, since I had my 2 year stroke anniversary. I kept joking that I was now 2 years old, since I do feel that way in a lot of areas, that someone hit my reset button and made me start all over.
But really, it was my 29th birthday, which is one I am very happy to have made it to! I think I really had us guessing for awhile.
My birthday celebration lasted a full week, and was wonderful to feel so loved by so many!
In September I also had another e.e.g test, and had my eyes checked again, due to the previous troubles with light and seizures. Happily my eyes have improved since my last test in December. That makes me very happy to know they can improve. My sweet aunt/godmother Liz, has said she will pay for my new " special" glasses that are supposed to help with both indoor light and in turn my headaches. They are a special pink tint. I just have to go get them from a certain doctor, and I think I will just have to learn to use contacts again, and buy some super dark shades for outside.
Until now I have just avoided bright lights and too much sun. I get pretty sick if I push my time in lights, but I'm happy to know these things can be fixed.
My neurologist had discussed a new seizure medicine, but the side effects are weight loss and depression, so I'm not going to switch. I'm not willing to challenge either one of those things.
After 2 full years I have finally gained all my weight back, and people sure notice! I keep getting told that I have gained weight. Good thing I was trying to, so I don't get offended! I WAS EVEN ASKED IF I WAS ON A NEW MED. THAT MAKES MY FACE SWELL. THAT REALLY MADE ME LAUGH! I SAID, " NO I'M JUST GAINING WEIGHT."
IN AUGUST, ALBERT AGREED TO HAVE A CLEANING LADY COME, ONCE A WEEK, TO HELP ME OUT. I HAVE STRUGGLED WITH KEEPING UP ON ALL OF THE CLEANING, WHILE HAVING BOTH GIRLS HOME. I KNOW WOMEN DO THIS ALL THE TIME, WITH MORE KIDS, BUT I WILL FULLY ADMIT, I REALLY SUCK AT KEEPING UP WITH ALL THE HOUSE WORK ALONE. SINCE ALBERT'S WORKING OUT OF TOWN, I WAS FEELING LIKE I WAS DROWNING BY THE TIME HE WOULD COME HOME. HE WOULD SAY HE DIDN'T WANT TO HELP, AND WOULD RATHER PAY SOMEONE TO HELP.
AT FIRST, I WAS VERY OFFENDED, BECAUSE I KNOW THAT, AS THE OLD ME, I WAS FINE, BUT ONCE I GOT OVER THAT, I ABSOLUTELY EMBRACED THE IDEA! AND NOW I LOVE HAVING HER COME! SHE IS A FRIEND OF AUNT MONICAS, AND MOST OF THE TIME I HAVE HER HELP WITH LAUNDRY.
I JOKE THAT I JUST HAD TO HAVE A STROKE TO FINALLY GET A MAID. THE GIRLS CONTINUE TO KEEP ME GOING EVERY DAY. MY SAD HAND IS STILL SAD, BUT I'M NOT GIVING UP HOPE ON IT. I HAVE REALLY DEVELOPED A GRUDGE AGAINST IT THOUGH.
I WILL HAVE TO START A NEW ENTRY SOON, SINCE TIME GETS AWAY FROM ME, AND I WANT TO KEEP A GOOD RECORD OF MY JOURNEY.
GOD BLESS LOVE TAMI
Sunday morning, my actual birthday, the girls had a cake for me, and we had it for breakfast. Grandma Ann took us to Golden Corral for lunch, and Aunt Patty and Uncle Riley came. It was very yummy and fun. Grandma made me a card to celebrate my 2nd birthday, since I had my 2 year stroke anniversary. I kept joking that I was now 2 years old, since I do feel that way in a lot of areas, that someone hit my reset button and made me start all over.
But really, it was my 29th birthday, which is one I am very happy to have made it to! I think I really had us guessing for awhile.
My birthday celebration lasted a full week, and was wonderful to feel so loved by so many!
In September I also had another e.e.g test, and had my eyes checked again, due to the previous troubles with light and seizures. Happily my eyes have improved since my last test in December. That makes me very happy to know they can improve. My sweet aunt/godmother Liz, has said she will pay for my new " special" glasses that are supposed to help with both indoor light and in turn my headaches. They are a special pink tint. I just have to go get them from a certain doctor, and I think I will just have to learn to use contacts again, and buy some super dark shades for outside.
Until now I have just avoided bright lights and too much sun. I get pretty sick if I push my time in lights, but I'm happy to know these things can be fixed.
My neurologist had discussed a new seizure medicine, but the side effects are weight loss and depression, so I'm not going to switch. I'm not willing to challenge either one of those things.
After 2 full years I have finally gained all my weight back, and people sure notice! I keep getting told that I have gained weight. Good thing I was trying to, so I don't get offended! I WAS EVEN ASKED IF I WAS ON A NEW MED. THAT MAKES MY FACE SWELL. THAT REALLY MADE ME LAUGH! I SAID, " NO I'M JUST GAINING WEIGHT."
IN AUGUST, ALBERT AGREED TO HAVE A CLEANING LADY COME, ONCE A WEEK, TO HELP ME OUT. I HAVE STRUGGLED WITH KEEPING UP ON ALL OF THE CLEANING, WHILE HAVING BOTH GIRLS HOME. I KNOW WOMEN DO THIS ALL THE TIME, WITH MORE KIDS, BUT I WILL FULLY ADMIT, I REALLY SUCK AT KEEPING UP WITH ALL THE HOUSE WORK ALONE. SINCE ALBERT'S WORKING OUT OF TOWN, I WAS FEELING LIKE I WAS DROWNING BY THE TIME HE WOULD COME HOME. HE WOULD SAY HE DIDN'T WANT TO HELP, AND WOULD RATHER PAY SOMEONE TO HELP.
AT FIRST, I WAS VERY OFFENDED, BECAUSE I KNOW THAT, AS THE OLD ME, I WAS FINE, BUT ONCE I GOT OVER THAT, I ABSOLUTELY EMBRACED THE IDEA! AND NOW I LOVE HAVING HER COME! SHE IS A FRIEND OF AUNT MONICAS, AND MOST OF THE TIME I HAVE HER HELP WITH LAUNDRY.
I JOKE THAT I JUST HAD TO HAVE A STROKE TO FINALLY GET A MAID. THE GIRLS CONTINUE TO KEEP ME GOING EVERY DAY. MY SAD HAND IS STILL SAD, BUT I'M NOT GIVING UP HOPE ON IT. I HAVE REALLY DEVELOPED A GRUDGE AGAINST IT THOUGH.
I WILL HAVE TO START A NEW ENTRY SOON, SINCE TIME GETS AWAY FROM ME, AND I WANT TO KEEP A GOOD RECORD OF MY JOURNEY.
GOD BLESS LOVE TAMI
Monday, September 6, 2010
befriending my sad hand.
I HAVE BEEN NOTICING THAT MY SAD HAND IS MORE RELAXED THAN IT HAS BEEN IN 2 YEARS. IT USUALLY STAYS IN A FIST, SO FRIDAY MORNING I MANAGED TO PAINT MY FINGER NAILS ON THAT HAND. ITS PRETTY COMPLICATED TRYING TO GET EACH FINGER PAINTED BEFORE IT CLENCHES UP AGAIN.
I DID GET IT DONE THOUGH, IN A BRIGHT RED. I HAVE NOTICED THAT IT DOESN'T LOOK AS ALIEN TO ME NOW, SINCE THEY LOOK ALMOST NORMAL PAINTED. I SHOULD HAVE PAINTED THEM LONG AGO.
MY ARM IS ATTACHED, BUT HAS NO CONNECTION TO ME ANY MORE, BUT ODDLY, SEEING IT WITH PAINTED LADY NAILS MAKES ME NOT HATE IT QUITE AS MUCH. LIKE A KID THAT'S A BRAT, BUT TOO CUTE TO HATE. FUNNY HOW SUCH A SMALL THING MADE A DIFFERENCE TO ME.
I GO IN FOR A VERY INTENSE VISION TEST TOMORROW. THEN WITH HOPE, I CAN LOOK INTO GETTING MY NEW INDOOR SHADES. MY DOC HAS CHOSEN A SPECIAL KIND OF PINK LENSES THAT ARE SPECIFICALLY FOR HEADACHE PREVENTION, DUE TO MY ISSUES WITH BRIGHT LIGHTS.
YESTERDAY WE WENT TO THE MOUNTAINS TO SPEND THE DAY. WITHIN HOURS I COULD TELL I WAS GETTING SICK FROM THE BRIGHT SUNLIGHT. I TRIED TO HIDE IN THE TRAILERS FOR DARKNESS. IT WASN'T WORKING, SO I HAD TO HAVE ALBERT TAKE ME HOME. A TWO HOUR DRIVE HOME WITH MASSIVE MIGRAINE PAIN! TIME FOR THE PITCH-BLACK, WRAP AROUND, OLD PEOPLE, GLASSES FOR ME.
ALL THE JOYS OF LIFE BEFORE MY 30'S
GOD BLESS
TAKE CARE
LOVE TAMI
I DID GET IT DONE THOUGH, IN A BRIGHT RED. I HAVE NOTICED THAT IT DOESN'T LOOK AS ALIEN TO ME NOW, SINCE THEY LOOK ALMOST NORMAL PAINTED. I SHOULD HAVE PAINTED THEM LONG AGO.
MY ARM IS ATTACHED, BUT HAS NO CONNECTION TO ME ANY MORE, BUT ODDLY, SEEING IT WITH PAINTED LADY NAILS MAKES ME NOT HATE IT QUITE AS MUCH. LIKE A KID THAT'S A BRAT, BUT TOO CUTE TO HATE. FUNNY HOW SUCH A SMALL THING MADE A DIFFERENCE TO ME.
I GO IN FOR A VERY INTENSE VISION TEST TOMORROW. THEN WITH HOPE, I CAN LOOK INTO GETTING MY NEW INDOOR SHADES. MY DOC HAS CHOSEN A SPECIAL KIND OF PINK LENSES THAT ARE SPECIFICALLY FOR HEADACHE PREVENTION, DUE TO MY ISSUES WITH BRIGHT LIGHTS.
YESTERDAY WE WENT TO THE MOUNTAINS TO SPEND THE DAY. WITHIN HOURS I COULD TELL I WAS GETTING SICK FROM THE BRIGHT SUNLIGHT. I TRIED TO HIDE IN THE TRAILERS FOR DARKNESS. IT WASN'T WORKING, SO I HAD TO HAVE ALBERT TAKE ME HOME. A TWO HOUR DRIVE HOME WITH MASSIVE MIGRAINE PAIN! TIME FOR THE PITCH-BLACK, WRAP AROUND, OLD PEOPLE, GLASSES FOR ME.
ALL THE JOYS OF LIFE BEFORE MY 30'S
GOD BLESS
TAKE CARE
LOVE TAMI
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
2 YEARS ANNIVERSARY!
HI! SO YESTERDAY MARKED MY 2 YEARS OF SURVIVAL AND PROGRESS! I HAPPILY WALKED ELLA TO THE PARK TO PLAY AND MADE SURE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE PROGRESS. THAT WAS GREAT AND FUN.
BUT LAST WEEKEND WAS HARDER FOR ME, REMEMBERING HOW MY LIFE WAS 2 YEARS AND 1 WEEK AGO. I WAS STRUGGLING WITH THAT QUITE A BIT. THERE IS NOT MUCH I WOULDN'T DO TO TURN BACK TIME AND PAUSE MY LIFE AS IT WAS. TRY AS I MIGHT TO LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE, I SURELY HAVE BITTER THOUGHTS OF WANTING MY WORLD BACK.
BUT ON A HAPPY NOTE I DID SURVIVE 2 YEARS, AND IT WILL ONLY GET BETTER FROM HERE. I WILL WORK DOING MASSAGE AGAIN ONE DAY, AND I WILL RIDE A BIKE AND DANCE, AND BRAID THE GIRLS HAIR. MY LIST GOES ON AND ON, BUT GOALS GIVE YOU FIGHTING POWER!
MY BIGGEST AND GREATEST THANK YOUS TO THE HUNDREDS THAT HAVE HELPED ME MAKE IT 2 YEARS. WORDS AREN'T ENOUGH FOR HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO SO MANY ANGELS ON EARTH!
LOVE AND BLESSINGS TO ALL
GOD BLESS
LOVE TAMI
BUT LAST WEEKEND WAS HARDER FOR ME, REMEMBERING HOW MY LIFE WAS 2 YEARS AND 1 WEEK AGO. I WAS STRUGGLING WITH THAT QUITE A BIT. THERE IS NOT MUCH I WOULDN'T DO TO TURN BACK TIME AND PAUSE MY LIFE AS IT WAS. TRY AS I MIGHT TO LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE, I SURELY HAVE BITTER THOUGHTS OF WANTING MY WORLD BACK.
BUT ON A HAPPY NOTE I DID SURVIVE 2 YEARS, AND IT WILL ONLY GET BETTER FROM HERE. I WILL WORK DOING MASSAGE AGAIN ONE DAY, AND I WILL RIDE A BIKE AND DANCE, AND BRAID THE GIRLS HAIR. MY LIST GOES ON AND ON, BUT GOALS GIVE YOU FIGHTING POWER!
MY BIGGEST AND GREATEST THANK YOUS TO THE HUNDREDS THAT HAVE HELPED ME MAKE IT 2 YEARS. WORDS AREN'T ENOUGH FOR HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO SO MANY ANGELS ON EARTH!
LOVE AND BLESSINGS TO ALL
GOD BLESS
LOVE TAMI
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
LATEST UPDATE.
SO AFTER MY SLEEP STUDY, MY NEUROLOGIST ORDERED ONE MORE E.E.G. BACK TO THE SAME SLEEP CENTER TO HAVE MY HEAD COVERED WITH GLUE AND ELECTRODES. I'M USED TO THIS ROUTINE BY NOW. THE HARDEST PART IS THAT I HAVE TO BE SLEEP DEPRIVED FOR THIS TEST. SO THE NIGHT BEFORE, I'M ONLY SUPPOSED TO GET 4 HOURS OF SLEEP, AND WAS NOT ALLOWED TO TAKE MY VERY NECESSARY TYLENOL P.M, WHICH RESULTED IN ME BEING AWAKE THE ENTIRE NIGHT! I HAVE YET TO BE ABLE TO SLEEP WITHOUT AN AID SINCE MY STROKE. MAYBE MY BRAIN FORGOT HOW THIS WORKS.
GRANDMA ANN WAS TAKING ME TO THE APPOINTMENT IN BETWEEN 2 OF HER OWN. JESSICA WATCHED THE GIRLS, AND I BEGGED HER TO KEEP THEM LONGER SO I COULD SLEEP WHEN I CAME HOME. THE OTHER TIMES I DID THIS TEST MOTHER TERESA WAS HERE TO LET ME SLEEP, SO I WOULDN'T GET A MIGRAINE.
THE NEXT DAY I MET WITH MY DOCTOR AND SHE DISCUSSED A FEW THINGS, BUT SEEMED UNFAZED BY THE SLEEP STUDY RESULTS. SHE DID PRESCRIBE A SPECIAL PINK TINTED LENS FOR MY NEW GLASSES, WHICH I SHOULD GET AFTER AN EYE EXAM.
SHE ALSO IS THINKING ABOUT A NEW SEIZURE MEDICINE. THAT WORRIES ME. I REALLY HATE TO CHANGE THAT DRUG. BESIDES THE ONE SHE'S THINKING ABOUT IS KNOWN TO CAUSE WEIGHT LOSS AND DEPRESSION, TWO THINGS THAT ARE VERY IMPORTANT FOR ME TO AVOID AT ALL COSTS.
I AM IN NEED OF THE NEW EXTENSIVE EYE EXAM, AND THEN A FOLLOW UP TO DISCUSS THE NEW DRUG. SO FINGERS CROSSED THAT I DON'T HAVE TO SWITCH. I SERIOUSLY CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE ANY WEIGHT. IT'S TAKEN ALMOST 2 FULL YEARS TO GET BACK WHAT WAS LOST, AND GETTING DEPRESSED IS NOT AN OPTION!
2 YEARS ON AUGUST 31ST!!!!!!
INCREDIBLE IT'S BEEN THE MOST CHALLENGING 2 YEARS EVER, BUT ALSO A RELIEF TO HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR. I WILL BE CELEBRATING A 2ND BIRTHDAY RIGHT BEFORE MY 29TH BIRTHDAY. HOW RIDICULOUS! WISH I KNEW WHAT GODS PLAN WAS, AND I HOPE WITH ALL MY BEING THAT I TURN OUT AS GOOD AS HE PLANS. BECAUSE I NEVER WANT TO REPEAT ANY OF THIS!
MY CREW OF ANGELS CONTINUE TO HELP AND AMAZE ME.
ALBERT ASKED ME TONIGHT WHAT I MISS THE MOST, THIS MAKES ME LAUGH, SINCE THERE ISN'T EVEN ONE SMALL THING THAT I DON'T MISS, OR THINK THANK GOODNESS I'M NOT ABLE TO DO THAT ANY MORE.
LIFE GOES ON, AND I AM SLOW AND STEADY TO WIN MY RACE.
GOD BLESS TO ALL
LOVE FROM TAMI.
GRANDMA ANN WAS TAKING ME TO THE APPOINTMENT IN BETWEEN 2 OF HER OWN. JESSICA WATCHED THE GIRLS, AND I BEGGED HER TO KEEP THEM LONGER SO I COULD SLEEP WHEN I CAME HOME. THE OTHER TIMES I DID THIS TEST MOTHER TERESA WAS HERE TO LET ME SLEEP, SO I WOULDN'T GET A MIGRAINE.
THE NEXT DAY I MET WITH MY DOCTOR AND SHE DISCUSSED A FEW THINGS, BUT SEEMED UNFAZED BY THE SLEEP STUDY RESULTS. SHE DID PRESCRIBE A SPECIAL PINK TINTED LENS FOR MY NEW GLASSES, WHICH I SHOULD GET AFTER AN EYE EXAM.
SHE ALSO IS THINKING ABOUT A NEW SEIZURE MEDICINE. THAT WORRIES ME. I REALLY HATE TO CHANGE THAT DRUG. BESIDES THE ONE SHE'S THINKING ABOUT IS KNOWN TO CAUSE WEIGHT LOSS AND DEPRESSION, TWO THINGS THAT ARE VERY IMPORTANT FOR ME TO AVOID AT ALL COSTS.
I AM IN NEED OF THE NEW EXTENSIVE EYE EXAM, AND THEN A FOLLOW UP TO DISCUSS THE NEW DRUG. SO FINGERS CROSSED THAT I DON'T HAVE TO SWITCH. I SERIOUSLY CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE ANY WEIGHT. IT'S TAKEN ALMOST 2 FULL YEARS TO GET BACK WHAT WAS LOST, AND GETTING DEPRESSED IS NOT AN OPTION!
2 YEARS ON AUGUST 31ST!!!!!!
INCREDIBLE IT'S BEEN THE MOST CHALLENGING 2 YEARS EVER, BUT ALSO A RELIEF TO HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR. I WILL BE CELEBRATING A 2ND BIRTHDAY RIGHT BEFORE MY 29TH BIRTHDAY. HOW RIDICULOUS! WISH I KNEW WHAT GODS PLAN WAS, AND I HOPE WITH ALL MY BEING THAT I TURN OUT AS GOOD AS HE PLANS. BECAUSE I NEVER WANT TO REPEAT ANY OF THIS!
MY CREW OF ANGELS CONTINUE TO HELP AND AMAZE ME.
ALBERT ASKED ME TONIGHT WHAT I MISS THE MOST, THIS MAKES ME LAUGH, SINCE THERE ISN'T EVEN ONE SMALL THING THAT I DON'T MISS, OR THINK THANK GOODNESS I'M NOT ABLE TO DO THAT ANY MORE.
LIFE GOES ON, AND I AM SLOW AND STEADY TO WIN MY RACE.
GOD BLESS TO ALL
LOVE FROM TAMI.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
a medical update.
HI THERE ALL. I HAVE HAD A FEW NEW HEALTH THINGS. I USUALLY ENJOY WRITING ABOUT JUST MY DAILY LIVING, BUT SOME HEALTH THINGS ARE NEW, SO I'LL UPDATE THOSE OF YOU THAT DON'T SEE ME REGULARLY.
LAST MONTH MY NEUROLOGISTS SCHEDULED AN OVERNIGHT SLEEP STUDY, TO BE DONE ON ME, TO TRY AND FIND OUT WHY I AM CONSTANTLY FATIGUED AND HAVE DAILY HEADACHES.
I PERSONALLY WANT TO KNOW ALSO. I JUST REALLY HATE HAVING TESTS DONE.
IT WAS FOR JULY 8TH, AND ALBERT WORKS OUT OF TOWN, SO I ARRANGED FOR PART OF MY "ANGEL CREW" TO HELP ME. AUNT MONICA DROVE ME TO THE HOSPITAL AND THEN KEPT THE GIRLS OVERNIGHT.
ONCE I GOT THERE, THEY TOOK ME TO A FAKE BEDROOM AND PROCEEDED TO PASTE ABOUT 50 WIRES, AND ELECTRODES TO MY HEAD. NOW I HAVE HAD THIS DONE BEFORE, BUT NEVER HAD THEM ON FOR MORE THAN AN HOUR OR SO.
ONCE MY HEAD WAS RIGGED UP, THEY PUT SOME MORE ON MY CHEST AND SHOULDERS, FOR HEART MONITORING, THEN ATTACHED IT ALL TO A HARNESS AROUND MY CHEST AND WAIST. ONCE THAT WAS DONE, THEY PUT SOME ON MY LEFT LEG AS WELL, STRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER IN A CONTRAPTION THAT WAS LITERALLY HEAD TO TOE. BUT IT DOESN'T STOP THERE, MY FACE LOOKED BARE, SO THEN I GOT 8 THINGS TAPED AND PASTED THERE, ONLY TO BE TOLD "JUST RELAX AND SLEEP NORMAL", SERIOUSLY THEY HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING!!!
SO I WATCHED A LITTLE TV, HOPING TO GET AS TIRED AS I COULD GET, AND POSSIBLY SLEEP A BIT. THERE IS A SPEAKER ABOVE MY HEAD SO THE NURSE CAN HEAR ME, IF I NEED HELP, OR BY CHANCE, HANG MYSELF IN THIS CONTRAPTION!!! I AM ALSO BEING RECORDED FROM THE CEILING , WEIRD!! " NOW SLEEP MY PRETTY".
AMAZINGLY, I DO FALL ASLEEP, AND WAKE TO PITCH BLACKNESS, NO CLOCK OR IDEA OF WHAT TO DO NEXT, SO I SPEAK TO THE WALL, AND ASK IF I MAY USE THE RESTROOM. THE NURSE COMES IN AND HANDS ME THE POWER BOX TO MY CORDS, WHICH I HAVE TO CARRY WITH ME TO THE RESTROOM. I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO GO HOME! I GO BACK IN MY ROOM THINKING IT'S ALMOST OVER, THEN TO MY SURPRISE, SHE SAYS," OK GOODNIGHT". I WAS SERIOUSLY DISAPPOINTED. I WAS THINKING NOW WAIT, I SLEPT, I'M AWAKE, LET ME OUT! BUT I DID AS TOLD, AND GOT BACK IN BED ONLY TO LIE THERE, TRYING TO WISH MY WAY HOME. AFTER AN HOUR OF THAT, I SPOKE AT THE WALL AGAIN, AND ASKED IF I COULD GET UP NOW? FEELING LIKE A TODDLER IN TROUBLE WAITING FOR MOM, THE NURSE SPOKE BACK THROUGH THE WALL, AND SAID SHE WAS ON HER WAY. AFTER QUITE THE PROCEDURE OF UNHOOKING ME, I WAS ALLOWED TO GO SHOWER AND GET DRESSED. MY HAIR IS FULL OF GLUE AND PASTE. ONCE I WAS DONE, I CALLED OH SWEETEST MONICA AND SHE CAME TO RESCUE ME FROM THE TOWER.
IT WAS GOING TO TAKE 3 WEEKS TO GET THE RESULTS. WHAT AN EXPERIENCE!
WELL, I JUST GOT THE RESULTS A FEW DAYS AGO, AND I SLEEP NORMAL, EVEN IN A WEIRD CONTRAPTION, SO NO EASY ANSWERS.
BUT THE DOCTOR DID SAY THERE WAS ONE DISCOVERY,
WHEN I WAS AWAKE, AND THE LIGHTS WERE ON, MY BRAIN WAS HAVING MULTIPLE MILD SEIZURES, BUT THEY STOPPED AS SOON AS LIGHTS WENT OFF. BUT IN THE MORNING, AS SOON AS THE LIGHTS WENT ON, THE SEIZURES CONTINUED. NOW I ALSO THOUGHT A SEIZURE WAS SOMETHING YOU KNEW WAS HAPPENING, BUT I WAS WRONG. SO ANYWAY, THE DOCTOR SAID IT WAS BEING CAUSED BY LIGHT THAT THE SEIZURES WERE HAPPENING, AND THAT WE MUST NOT HAVE MY MEDICINE DOSAGE RIGHT. SO WE NEED TO CORRECT THAT, AND THAT I SHOULD BE WEARING SUN GLASSES, WHICH I DO OUTSIDE, BUT DIDN'T KNOW INDOORS TOO. SO HE SUGGESTS I TRY DIFFERENT TINTS AND SEE IF IT HELPS. BECAUSE I'M EXHAUSTED ALL THE TIME, FROM MY BRAIN HAVING THESE ISSUES, WHICH COULD ALSO PLAY A FACTOR IN THE ENDLESS HEADACHES.
FASCINATING INFO, BUT I KNEW IT MADE PERFECT SENSE, SINCE WHENEVER I AM IN BRIGHT LIGHT I WOULD GET INSTANTLY IRRITATED, AND/OR MEAN, AND I NATURALLY TRY TO STAY IN THE DARKER PART OF MY HOUSE.
SO THE GOOD NEWS IS: LIKE MOST OF ME, AFTER SOME TWEAKING AROUND I CAN BE MAINTAINED.
MY NEXT NEWS ISN'T AS LONG, AND MUCH MORE FUN FOR ME.
THIS WEEK AT MY BIO-FEEDBACK APPOINTMENT, MY TINIEST OF LITTLE BICEP MUSCLE WAS ACTUALLY GETTING IN THE WAY OF THE ELECTRODE. THIS WAS FABULOUS NEWS TO ME, SINCE IT IS MY FIRST DEFINABLE MUSCLE IN MY LEFT ARM! HAPPY DAY! I'M ONE STEP FARTHER IN THAT ARM, OF COARSE I WANT IT ALL! BECAUSE I'M GREEDY. BUT TODAY I WENT BACK TO THE START OF THIS BLOG, AND I CAN REALLY SEE MY PROGRESS. I GET LOST IN MY "NOW", AND FORGET THE PROGRESS OF THE PAST. I GO BACK, AND READ THE OLD STUFF, WHICH ALWAYS MAKES ME CRY, IT DOESN'T SEEM POSSIBLE, AND AT THE SAME MOMENT, FAR TO REAL TO ABSORB.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL;
HE SURE BLESSED ME,
LOVE TAMI.
LAST MONTH MY NEUROLOGISTS SCHEDULED AN OVERNIGHT SLEEP STUDY, TO BE DONE ON ME, TO TRY AND FIND OUT WHY I AM CONSTANTLY FATIGUED AND HAVE DAILY HEADACHES.
I PERSONALLY WANT TO KNOW ALSO. I JUST REALLY HATE HAVING TESTS DONE.
IT WAS FOR JULY 8TH, AND ALBERT WORKS OUT OF TOWN, SO I ARRANGED FOR PART OF MY "ANGEL CREW" TO HELP ME. AUNT MONICA DROVE ME TO THE HOSPITAL AND THEN KEPT THE GIRLS OVERNIGHT.
ONCE I GOT THERE, THEY TOOK ME TO A FAKE BEDROOM AND PROCEEDED TO PASTE ABOUT 50 WIRES, AND ELECTRODES TO MY HEAD. NOW I HAVE HAD THIS DONE BEFORE, BUT NEVER HAD THEM ON FOR MORE THAN AN HOUR OR SO.
ONCE MY HEAD WAS RIGGED UP, THEY PUT SOME MORE ON MY CHEST AND SHOULDERS, FOR HEART MONITORING, THEN ATTACHED IT ALL TO A HARNESS AROUND MY CHEST AND WAIST. ONCE THAT WAS DONE, THEY PUT SOME ON MY LEFT LEG AS WELL, STRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER IN A CONTRAPTION THAT WAS LITERALLY HEAD TO TOE. BUT IT DOESN'T STOP THERE, MY FACE LOOKED BARE, SO THEN I GOT 8 THINGS TAPED AND PASTED THERE, ONLY TO BE TOLD "JUST RELAX AND SLEEP NORMAL", SERIOUSLY THEY HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING!!!
SO I WATCHED A LITTLE TV, HOPING TO GET AS TIRED AS I COULD GET, AND POSSIBLY SLEEP A BIT. THERE IS A SPEAKER ABOVE MY HEAD SO THE NURSE CAN HEAR ME, IF I NEED HELP, OR BY CHANCE, HANG MYSELF IN THIS CONTRAPTION!!! I AM ALSO BEING RECORDED FROM THE CEILING , WEIRD!! " NOW SLEEP MY PRETTY".
AMAZINGLY, I DO FALL ASLEEP, AND WAKE TO PITCH BLACKNESS, NO CLOCK OR IDEA OF WHAT TO DO NEXT, SO I SPEAK TO THE WALL, AND ASK IF I MAY USE THE RESTROOM. THE NURSE COMES IN AND HANDS ME THE POWER BOX TO MY CORDS, WHICH I HAVE TO CARRY WITH ME TO THE RESTROOM. I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO GO HOME! I GO BACK IN MY ROOM THINKING IT'S ALMOST OVER, THEN TO MY SURPRISE, SHE SAYS," OK GOODNIGHT". I WAS SERIOUSLY DISAPPOINTED. I WAS THINKING NOW WAIT, I SLEPT, I'M AWAKE, LET ME OUT! BUT I DID AS TOLD, AND GOT BACK IN BED ONLY TO LIE THERE, TRYING TO WISH MY WAY HOME. AFTER AN HOUR OF THAT, I SPOKE AT THE WALL AGAIN, AND ASKED IF I COULD GET UP NOW? FEELING LIKE A TODDLER IN TROUBLE WAITING FOR MOM, THE NURSE SPOKE BACK THROUGH THE WALL, AND SAID SHE WAS ON HER WAY. AFTER QUITE THE PROCEDURE OF UNHOOKING ME, I WAS ALLOWED TO GO SHOWER AND GET DRESSED. MY HAIR IS FULL OF GLUE AND PASTE. ONCE I WAS DONE, I CALLED OH SWEETEST MONICA AND SHE CAME TO RESCUE ME FROM THE TOWER.
IT WAS GOING TO TAKE 3 WEEKS TO GET THE RESULTS. WHAT AN EXPERIENCE!
WELL, I JUST GOT THE RESULTS A FEW DAYS AGO, AND I SLEEP NORMAL, EVEN IN A WEIRD CONTRAPTION, SO NO EASY ANSWERS.
BUT THE DOCTOR DID SAY THERE WAS ONE DISCOVERY,
WHEN I WAS AWAKE, AND THE LIGHTS WERE ON, MY BRAIN WAS HAVING MULTIPLE MILD SEIZURES, BUT THEY STOPPED AS SOON AS LIGHTS WENT OFF. BUT IN THE MORNING, AS SOON AS THE LIGHTS WENT ON, THE SEIZURES CONTINUED. NOW I ALSO THOUGHT A SEIZURE WAS SOMETHING YOU KNEW WAS HAPPENING, BUT I WAS WRONG. SO ANYWAY, THE DOCTOR SAID IT WAS BEING CAUSED BY LIGHT THAT THE SEIZURES WERE HAPPENING, AND THAT WE MUST NOT HAVE MY MEDICINE DOSAGE RIGHT. SO WE NEED TO CORRECT THAT, AND THAT I SHOULD BE WEARING SUN GLASSES, WHICH I DO OUTSIDE, BUT DIDN'T KNOW INDOORS TOO. SO HE SUGGESTS I TRY DIFFERENT TINTS AND SEE IF IT HELPS. BECAUSE I'M EXHAUSTED ALL THE TIME, FROM MY BRAIN HAVING THESE ISSUES, WHICH COULD ALSO PLAY A FACTOR IN THE ENDLESS HEADACHES.
FASCINATING INFO, BUT I KNEW IT MADE PERFECT SENSE, SINCE WHENEVER I AM IN BRIGHT LIGHT I WOULD GET INSTANTLY IRRITATED, AND/OR MEAN, AND I NATURALLY TRY TO STAY IN THE DARKER PART OF MY HOUSE.
SO THE GOOD NEWS IS: LIKE MOST OF ME, AFTER SOME TWEAKING AROUND I CAN BE MAINTAINED.
MY NEXT NEWS ISN'T AS LONG, AND MUCH MORE FUN FOR ME.
THIS WEEK AT MY BIO-FEEDBACK APPOINTMENT, MY TINIEST OF LITTLE BICEP MUSCLE WAS ACTUALLY GETTING IN THE WAY OF THE ELECTRODE. THIS WAS FABULOUS NEWS TO ME, SINCE IT IS MY FIRST DEFINABLE MUSCLE IN MY LEFT ARM! HAPPY DAY! I'M ONE STEP FARTHER IN THAT ARM, OF COARSE I WANT IT ALL! BECAUSE I'M GREEDY. BUT TODAY I WENT BACK TO THE START OF THIS BLOG, AND I CAN REALLY SEE MY PROGRESS. I GET LOST IN MY "NOW", AND FORGET THE PROGRESS OF THE PAST. I GO BACK, AND READ THE OLD STUFF, WHICH ALWAYS MAKES ME CRY, IT DOESN'T SEEM POSSIBLE, AND AT THE SAME MOMENT, FAR TO REAL TO ABSORB.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL;
HE SURE BLESSED ME,
LOVE TAMI.
Friday, July 23, 2010
SECOND TRIP TO VERNAL
WELL AFTER THE WEDDING, BECKY MEINROD AND I WORKED OUT A PLAN FOR THE GIRLS AND I TO VISIT.
SO WE WORKED IT OUT FOR WHEN ALBERT WOULD BE WORKING IN PRICE, AND WHEN BECKY COULD DRIVE TO PRICE AND GET US.
I WAS QUITE EXCITED TO HAVE THE GIRLS ON VACATION WITH ME AND SPEND TIME WITH THE VERNAL FAMILY. THEY HAVE BEEN TO THE RANCH AND OF COURSE MET THE FAMILY, BUT HAVE ALWAYS BEEN TO YOUNG TO REMEMBER EVERYONE. THEY REMEMBER VIRT MOST, BECAUSE HE GAVE THEM THEIR FIRST CANDY BAR EVER.
WE SPENT TIME AT BECKY'S AND VISITED THE OTHER HOUSES. THEY WERE IN HEAVEN AT GRANDMA RITA'S BECAUSE OF HUNDREDS OF YARD SALE TOYS, AND GETTING TO MAKE A MESS OF THEM.
WE SPENT QUITE A BIT OF TIME OUTSIDE, SINCE IT'S MUCH COOLER THERE THAN IN ST. GEORGE. WE PLAYED IN SPRINKLERS AT A COUSINS, WENT SWIMMING AT SAMI'S POOL, AND WENT EXPLORING THE LIBRARY WITH BECKY. THE GIRLS PLAYED LINCOLN LOGS WITH VIRT.
ALL IN ALL IT WAS A JOY!
NOW ON THE WAY HOME, WE HAD TO SPEND ONE NIGHT IN A HOTEL UNTILL ALBERT FINISHED A JOB.
THAT WAS AN ADVENTURE IN ITSELF FOR THE GIRLS, SINCE WE DON'T EVER DO THAT. IT WAS THEIR FIRST TIME IN A HOTEL , AND MY FIRST TIME POST-STROKE TO TAKE A SHOWER IN A TUB. I ONLY DO WALK-IN SHOWERS, SO THE FLOOR IS FLAT AND I WONT SLIP. SO THAT WAS A BIG DEAL TO ME. I EVEN TEXT TERESA TO TELL HER I ACCOMPLISHED A NEW TASK. ALL THE LITTLE STUFF ADDS UP TO RECOVERY.
BY THE TIME WE GOT HOME, I WAS BEAT AFTER 10 DAYS OF 24 HOUR SINGLE PARENTING. I WAS DESPERATE FOR SOME ALONE TIME.
MY GIRLS MEAN THE WORLD TO ME AND THEY CAN DRAIN ALL OF MY ENERGY.
GOD BLESS,
LOVE TAMI
SO WE WORKED IT OUT FOR WHEN ALBERT WOULD BE WORKING IN PRICE, AND WHEN BECKY COULD DRIVE TO PRICE AND GET US.
I WAS QUITE EXCITED TO HAVE THE GIRLS ON VACATION WITH ME AND SPEND TIME WITH THE VERNAL FAMILY. THEY HAVE BEEN TO THE RANCH AND OF COURSE MET THE FAMILY, BUT HAVE ALWAYS BEEN TO YOUNG TO REMEMBER EVERYONE. THEY REMEMBER VIRT MOST, BECAUSE HE GAVE THEM THEIR FIRST CANDY BAR EVER.
WE SPENT TIME AT BECKY'S AND VISITED THE OTHER HOUSES. THEY WERE IN HEAVEN AT GRANDMA RITA'S BECAUSE OF HUNDREDS OF YARD SALE TOYS, AND GETTING TO MAKE A MESS OF THEM.
WE SPENT QUITE A BIT OF TIME OUTSIDE, SINCE IT'S MUCH COOLER THERE THAN IN ST. GEORGE. WE PLAYED IN SPRINKLERS AT A COUSINS, WENT SWIMMING AT SAMI'S POOL, AND WENT EXPLORING THE LIBRARY WITH BECKY. THE GIRLS PLAYED LINCOLN LOGS WITH VIRT.
ALL IN ALL IT WAS A JOY!
NOW ON THE WAY HOME, WE HAD TO SPEND ONE NIGHT IN A HOTEL UNTILL ALBERT FINISHED A JOB.
THAT WAS AN ADVENTURE IN ITSELF FOR THE GIRLS, SINCE WE DON'T EVER DO THAT. IT WAS THEIR FIRST TIME IN A HOTEL , AND MY FIRST TIME POST-STROKE TO TAKE A SHOWER IN A TUB. I ONLY DO WALK-IN SHOWERS, SO THE FLOOR IS FLAT AND I WONT SLIP. SO THAT WAS A BIG DEAL TO ME. I EVEN TEXT TERESA TO TELL HER I ACCOMPLISHED A NEW TASK. ALL THE LITTLE STUFF ADDS UP TO RECOVERY.
BY THE TIME WE GOT HOME, I WAS BEAT AFTER 10 DAYS OF 24 HOUR SINGLE PARENTING. I WAS DESPERATE FOR SOME ALONE TIME.
MY GIRLS MEAN THE WORLD TO ME AND THEY CAN DRAIN ALL OF MY ENERGY.
GOD BLESS,
LOVE TAMI
Sunday, July 4, 2010
VERNAL TRIP.
SO LILLI WENT TO CALIFORNIA FOR 10 DAYS WITH AUNT MONICA, SO IT WAS JUST ELLA AND MOM. ALBERT GOT WORK OFF AND I WAS ABLE TO LEAVE ELLA WITH PAPA. I CAUGHT A RIDE WITH ANDY AND CHRISSY TO VERNAL THURSDAY. I WAS GOING TO STAY AT BECKY MEINROD'S AND GET 3 DAYS OF NO RESPONSIBILITY. I SLEPT IN TWO MORNINGS, WHICH I HAVEN'T DONE SINCE TERESA MOVED OUT. WE HAD PHILLIP'S WEDDING SATURDAY. OUT OF TERESA'S 11 SIBLINGS, 10 WERE THERE. IT WAS FUN TO SEE EVERYONE, BUT TOO BUSY TO SPEND INDIVIDUAL TIME WITH ANY.
IT'S REWARDING TO ME, WHEN I SEE PEOPLE THAT AREN'T WITH ME ALL THE TIME, SINCE THEY NOTICE MY RECOVERY BETTER. I TEND TO FORGET THAT I'M STILL IMPROVING. I GET SO FRUSTRATED, AND FEEL STUCK. I HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF THAT I STILL DO WELL. I JUST WANT BETTER! I LOSE TRACK OF HOW FAR I'VE COME IN THE LAST YEAR AND A HALF.
SUNDAY MORNING I CAUGHT A RIDE HOME WITH MATT AND HIS 3 KIDS. I WAS SO EXCITED TO SEE MY GIRLS, EVEN IF I DID HAVE A RELAXING TIME AWAY. IT FELT GOOD TO BE HOME!
WHILE IN VERNAL, BECKY AND I HAD DISCUSSED HAVING THE GIRLS AND I VISIT WHILE ALBERT IS WORKING OUT OF TOWN.
GOD BLESS,
LOVE TO ALL, FROM TAMI
IT'S REWARDING TO ME, WHEN I SEE PEOPLE THAT AREN'T WITH ME ALL THE TIME, SINCE THEY NOTICE MY RECOVERY BETTER. I TEND TO FORGET THAT I'M STILL IMPROVING. I GET SO FRUSTRATED, AND FEEL STUCK. I HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF THAT I STILL DO WELL. I JUST WANT BETTER! I LOSE TRACK OF HOW FAR I'VE COME IN THE LAST YEAR AND A HALF.
SUNDAY MORNING I CAUGHT A RIDE HOME WITH MATT AND HIS 3 KIDS. I WAS SO EXCITED TO SEE MY GIRLS, EVEN IF I DID HAVE A RELAXING TIME AWAY. IT FELT GOOD TO BE HOME!
WHILE IN VERNAL, BECKY AND I HAD DISCUSSED HAVING THE GIRLS AND I VISIT WHILE ALBERT IS WORKING OUT OF TOWN.
GOD BLESS,
LOVE TO ALL, FROM TAMI
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
My trip to come...
ONE OF MY COUSINS IS GETTING MARRIED THIS WEEKEND IN VERNAL. I WAS NOT PLANNING TO GO SINCE I DON'T DRIVE, BUT MY SWEET FAMILY FIGURED A WAY TO GET ME THERE! I RIDE UP WITH 1 UNCLE AND HOME WITH ANOTHER ONE. SWEET AUNT PATTY WILL KEEP ELLA WHILE ALBERT WORKS.
WHAT A CREW! ALL SO I CAN GO SEE FAMILY AND HAVE A CHILD FREE WEEKEND! I ADORE MY GIRLS, MORE THAN LIFE, AND I WILL ALSO LOVE A WEEKEND TO ENJOY FREE TIME.
MY BLESSINGS NEVER FAIL TO AMAZE ME.
SO I WILL POST HOW MY TRIP GOES NEXT WEEK.
GOD BLESS, MUCH LOVE FROM TAMI.
WHAT A CREW! ALL SO I CAN GO SEE FAMILY AND HAVE A CHILD FREE WEEKEND! I ADORE MY GIRLS, MORE THAN LIFE, AND I WILL ALSO LOVE A WEEKEND TO ENJOY FREE TIME.
MY BLESSINGS NEVER FAIL TO AMAZE ME.
SO I WILL POST HOW MY TRIP GOES NEXT WEEK.
GOD BLESS, MUCH LOVE FROM TAMI.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
FATHER'S DAY WEEKEND.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO ALL YOU DADS OUT THERE!
ALBERT WANTED TO GO CAMPING IN PINE VALLEY, SO WE DROVE OUT THERE FRIDAY NIGHT. IT WAS JUST DAD, ELLA, AND I. LILLI IS IN CALIFORNIA WITH HER AUNTIE MONICA.
FIRST NIGHT IN THE NEWEST CAMPER. IT'S A POP-UP WITH 2 QUEEN BEDS, ONE SIDE FOR MOM & DAD, ONE FOR THE KIDS.
BRRRRR SO COLD !!! THE FIRST NIGHT WAS SO COLD AND UNCOMFORTABLE, THAT BY SATURDAY AFTERNOON I WAS FANTASIZING ABOUT GOING HOME AFTER DINNER, AND NOT REALLY STAYING ANOTHER NIGHT. NO LUCK! I OFFERED TO PAY ALBERT TO TAKE ME HOME! BUT SATURDAY NIGHT HE ADDED A SECOND PAD ONTO MY BED AND I DOUBLE LAYERED MY PAJAMAS AND MADE IT THROUGH ONE MORE NIGHT. WE PACKED UP EARLY MORNING AND WERE HOME AND SHOWERED BY NOON SUNDAY. NOTHING BETTER THAN A HOT SHOWER AFTER 2 DIRTY DAYS! I AM STILL TIRED, BUT GLAD I CAN SAY I WENT. I WON'T BE GOING NEXT TIME. IT'S SO MUCH WORK TO BRING COMFORTS TO THE OUTDOORS WHEN I COULD JUST STAY HOME AND LET ALBERT GO.
EVER TRY HIKING WITH A CANE? TRUE, MOST MIGHT USE A STICK FOR EXTRA BALANCE, BUT WHEN YOU LACK BALANCE NORMALLY, A CANE JUST DOESN'T HELP MUCH.
THANKS, BUT " NO THANKS" FOR ANOTHER TRIP.
WHEN WE WERE HOME, I GOT TO HAVE DEVRON AND NEW BABY HUTCH VISIT. DEVRON HAD TO CHANGE HIS DIAPER AND ELLA WAS RIGHT THERE. I WAS CURIOUS TO SEE HER REACTION, BEING THAT WE HAVE ONLY HAD GIRL DIAPERS IN OUR HOUSE. " MOM HE HAS A CRAYON IN HIS DIAPER!" OH HOW FUNNY!!! DEVRON AND I JUST LAUGHED! I WILL HAVE TO WRITE THAT ONE DOWN.
LILLI IS HAVING A BLAST IN CALIFORNIA WITH HER COUSINS. HER AUNT JUST HAD TWINS, A BOY AND GIRL, AND LILLI TOLD ME THIS MORNING, THAT SHE HELD THE "PINK" BABY. WE MISS LILLI, BUT KNOW SHE IS HAPPY, AND IN GOOD HANDS. BUT IT IS A 10 DAY TRIP! THAT'S A LONG TIME TO HAVE HER GONE.
GOD BLESS TO ALL;
TAKE CARE, LOVE TAMI AND FAMILY.
ALBERT WANTED TO GO CAMPING IN PINE VALLEY, SO WE DROVE OUT THERE FRIDAY NIGHT. IT WAS JUST DAD, ELLA, AND I. LILLI IS IN CALIFORNIA WITH HER AUNTIE MONICA.
FIRST NIGHT IN THE NEWEST CAMPER. IT'S A POP-UP WITH 2 QUEEN BEDS, ONE SIDE FOR MOM & DAD, ONE FOR THE KIDS.
BRRRRR SO COLD !!! THE FIRST NIGHT WAS SO COLD AND UNCOMFORTABLE, THAT BY SATURDAY AFTERNOON I WAS FANTASIZING ABOUT GOING HOME AFTER DINNER, AND NOT REALLY STAYING ANOTHER NIGHT. NO LUCK! I OFFERED TO PAY ALBERT TO TAKE ME HOME! BUT SATURDAY NIGHT HE ADDED A SECOND PAD ONTO MY BED AND I DOUBLE LAYERED MY PAJAMAS AND MADE IT THROUGH ONE MORE NIGHT. WE PACKED UP EARLY MORNING AND WERE HOME AND SHOWERED BY NOON SUNDAY. NOTHING BETTER THAN A HOT SHOWER AFTER 2 DIRTY DAYS! I AM STILL TIRED, BUT GLAD I CAN SAY I WENT. I WON'T BE GOING NEXT TIME. IT'S SO MUCH WORK TO BRING COMFORTS TO THE OUTDOORS WHEN I COULD JUST STAY HOME AND LET ALBERT GO.
EVER TRY HIKING WITH A CANE? TRUE, MOST MIGHT USE A STICK FOR EXTRA BALANCE, BUT WHEN YOU LACK BALANCE NORMALLY, A CANE JUST DOESN'T HELP MUCH.
THANKS, BUT " NO THANKS" FOR ANOTHER TRIP.
WHEN WE WERE HOME, I GOT TO HAVE DEVRON AND NEW BABY HUTCH VISIT. DEVRON HAD TO CHANGE HIS DIAPER AND ELLA WAS RIGHT THERE. I WAS CURIOUS TO SEE HER REACTION, BEING THAT WE HAVE ONLY HAD GIRL DIAPERS IN OUR HOUSE. " MOM HE HAS A CRAYON IN HIS DIAPER!" OH HOW FUNNY!!! DEVRON AND I JUST LAUGHED! I WILL HAVE TO WRITE THAT ONE DOWN.
LILLI IS HAVING A BLAST IN CALIFORNIA WITH HER COUSINS. HER AUNT JUST HAD TWINS, A BOY AND GIRL, AND LILLI TOLD ME THIS MORNING, THAT SHE HELD THE "PINK" BABY. WE MISS LILLI, BUT KNOW SHE IS HAPPY, AND IN GOOD HANDS. BUT IT IS A 10 DAY TRIP! THAT'S A LONG TIME TO HAVE HER GONE.
GOD BLESS TO ALL;
TAKE CARE, LOVE TAMI AND FAMILY.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Note from Grandma Ann
YEAY!!! Tami, I'm thrilled you are back on the blog! You are a delightful writer and these postings will mean so much to you and your family as well as all of us who get a peak into your wonderful sense of humor and your determination. LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!! I'm glad your doctor is thorough and aggressive in your care. Since you still have the headache I am comforted to know she will follow-up. Love you and your family!!!!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
OH FUN.....?
SO, MONDAY MORNING WE SENT ALBERT OFF TO WORK FOR THE WEEK. I WOKE WITH A HEADACHE, WHICH IS A DAILY OCCURRENCE. BUT THEN I STARTED TO NOTICE IT WAS HURTING IN ODD WAVES OF PAIN, AND ONLY ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF MY HEAD. IT WAS A WEIRD SORT OF FEELING, LIKE LIGHTNING BOLTS EVERY 30 SECONDS OR SO. SO I DO WHAT I ALWAYS DO, ASK MY MOM WHAT SHE THINKS. SHE SUGGESTS TO CALL MY NEUROLOGIST. I AGREED, SO I CALLED AND LEFT A MESSAGE. THEN I NOTICED THAT I KEPT FEELING LIKE I WAS SPINNING. MY DOCTOR CALLED BACK AND SAID SHE WANTED A CAT-SCAN RIGHT AWAY, AND TO GO TO THE E.R.. I HATED THIS ANSWER! I KNEW IT WASN'T AN EMERGENCY, AND SINCE I HAD BOTH GIRLS WITH ME, THE LAST THING I WANTED, WAS TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL! SO I CALLED MY AUNT PATTY AND EXPLAINED. SHE CAME RIGHT OVER AND GOT US.
SO I GET TO THE E.R. AND EXPLAIN THAT MY DOCTOR SENT ME. HER CONCERN OF COURSE IS MY PAST STROKE, BUT SINCE I'M ALSO ON BLOOD THINNERS, SHE WAS WORRIED ABOUT A HEMORRHAGE. I ON THE OTHER HAND, REMEMBER ALL TOO WELL THE SHEER AMOUNT OF PAIN FROM MY STROKE, AND I KNOW THAT I AM JUST FINE!
I KEPT THINKING " AT LEAST A CAT-SCAN DOESN'T HURT, THEY JUST PUT YOUR HEAD IN A HOLE, ( IT REMINDS ME OF A COTTON-CANDY MACHINE), THEN YOU'RE DONE."
BUT AT THE E.R., THEY AUTOMATICALLY DO THE WHOLE EMERGENCY BIT, PUT IN AN I.V. AND DRAIN YOU OF SOME BLOOD. THE STAFF IS SURE I MUST BE THERE FOR ANOTHER STROKE, DUE TO MY MEDICAL HISTORY. THEY EVEN ASKED IF MY ARM WOULDN'T MOVE BECAUSE OF THIS HEADACHE. I HAD TO LAUGH, AND SAY " NO THAT'S FROM BEFORE, AND YOU ARE PROBABLY WASTING YOUR TIME, I'M FINE. MY DOCS JUST BEING CAUTIOUS."
SO THEY DO THE SCAN, AND THE TECH CAME OVER TO ME WITH AN ODD LOOK ON HIS FACE, SO I SAID," DID YOU GET THE PICTURE OF MY BRAIN?" HE SAID " YES", AND I ASKED "HOW DOES IT LOOK WITH THAT MISSING PIECE?" HE LET OUT A BREATH AND SAID," WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" SO I TOLD HIM THAT THEY HAD REMOVED SOME FROM MY STROKE. HE SAID " OH, THERE WAS A BIG BLACK SPOT. I SHOULD PROBABLY TELL THE DOC. SO HE DOESN'T WONDER WHAT IT IS. " OH THAT MADE ME LAUGH! I WISH I COULD SEE THE DOCTORS FACES, IF THEY WERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY BRAIN....?
I COULDN'T HELP BUT EXPLAIN IT LIKE LILLI DOES." MOMS BRAIN BROKE, AND THEY SEWED IT BACK TOGETHER." AFTER AWHILE THE DOCTOR CAME IN TO ASK ABOUT MY MEDS. AND HEALTH IN GENERAL. THEN HE WENT TO GET THE RESULTS. HE CAME BACK AND SAID EVERY THING LOOKS FINE, THEN CORRECTED HIMSELF TO SAY EVERY THING LOOKED THE SAME AS BEFORE, SINCE WE BOTH KNEW NOTHING ABOUT MY BRAIN IS FINE ANY MORE. THEY UNHOOKED ME AND LET ME GO HOME.
SO GOOD NEWS... I AM FINE AND I KNOW MY DOCTOR IS LOOKING OUT FOR ME.
GOD BLESS ALL.
SO I GET TO THE E.R. AND EXPLAIN THAT MY DOCTOR SENT ME. HER CONCERN OF COURSE IS MY PAST STROKE, BUT SINCE I'M ALSO ON BLOOD THINNERS, SHE WAS WORRIED ABOUT A HEMORRHAGE. I ON THE OTHER HAND, REMEMBER ALL TOO WELL THE SHEER AMOUNT OF PAIN FROM MY STROKE, AND I KNOW THAT I AM JUST FINE!
I KEPT THINKING " AT LEAST A CAT-SCAN DOESN'T HURT, THEY JUST PUT YOUR HEAD IN A HOLE, ( IT REMINDS ME OF A COTTON-CANDY MACHINE), THEN YOU'RE DONE."
BUT AT THE E.R., THEY AUTOMATICALLY DO THE WHOLE EMERGENCY BIT, PUT IN AN I.V. AND DRAIN YOU OF SOME BLOOD. THE STAFF IS SURE I MUST BE THERE FOR ANOTHER STROKE, DUE TO MY MEDICAL HISTORY. THEY EVEN ASKED IF MY ARM WOULDN'T MOVE BECAUSE OF THIS HEADACHE. I HAD TO LAUGH, AND SAY " NO THAT'S FROM BEFORE, AND YOU ARE PROBABLY WASTING YOUR TIME, I'M FINE. MY DOCS JUST BEING CAUTIOUS."
SO THEY DO THE SCAN, AND THE TECH CAME OVER TO ME WITH AN ODD LOOK ON HIS FACE, SO I SAID," DID YOU GET THE PICTURE OF MY BRAIN?" HE SAID " YES", AND I ASKED "HOW DOES IT LOOK WITH THAT MISSING PIECE?" HE LET OUT A BREATH AND SAID," WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" SO I TOLD HIM THAT THEY HAD REMOVED SOME FROM MY STROKE. HE SAID " OH, THERE WAS A BIG BLACK SPOT. I SHOULD PROBABLY TELL THE DOC. SO HE DOESN'T WONDER WHAT IT IS. " OH THAT MADE ME LAUGH! I WISH I COULD SEE THE DOCTORS FACES, IF THEY WERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY BRAIN....?
I COULDN'T HELP BUT EXPLAIN IT LIKE LILLI DOES." MOMS BRAIN BROKE, AND THEY SEWED IT BACK TOGETHER." AFTER AWHILE THE DOCTOR CAME IN TO ASK ABOUT MY MEDS. AND HEALTH IN GENERAL. THEN HE WENT TO GET THE RESULTS. HE CAME BACK AND SAID EVERY THING LOOKS FINE, THEN CORRECTED HIMSELF TO SAY EVERY THING LOOKED THE SAME AS BEFORE, SINCE WE BOTH KNEW NOTHING ABOUT MY BRAIN IS FINE ANY MORE. THEY UNHOOKED ME AND LET ME GO HOME.
SO GOOD NEWS... I AM FINE AND I KNOW MY DOCTOR IS LOOKING OUT FOR ME.
GOD BLESS ALL.
Friday, June 11, 2010
MY GREATEST ADVENTURE OF 2010
IN MY HASTE TO UPDATE TO MUCH INFO AT ONE TIME, I LEFT OUT
MY GREATEST ADVENTURE OF 2010
IN APRIL I GOT TO GO TO SALT LAKE AND BACK TO THE HOSPITAL.
THIS WAS HUGE FOR ME, TO BE ABLE TO WALK INTO THE I.C.U. AND THANK THE NURSES, AND TO MY SURPRISE THEY REMEMBERED ME, AND WERE SO HAPPY! I WAS ALSO ABLE TO GO TO THE REHAB FLOOR AND SEE 2 OUT OF 4 THERAPIST . THEY EVEN RECOGNISED ME, WHICH I NEVER EXPECTED, SINCE I DON'T LOOK A BIT LIKE I DID WHILE IN REHAB LOCK-DOWN.
OF COURSE I HAVE HAIR NOW, AND ADDED MY 20 POUNDS BACK ON THAT I HAD LOST DURING MY STAY. ONE OF MY P.T'S JUST SAID I LOOKED HEALTHY. I COULD TELL SHE DIDN'T WANT TO COME RIGHT OUT WITH " OHH! YOU GAINED WEIGHT", BUT I KNOW THAT'S WHAT SHE MEANT, AND I WORKED VERY HARD WITH LOTS OF ICE-CREAM, TO GET MY FIGURE BACK. SO I LIKE THAT I GAINED WEIGHT. I'M NOT LIKE OTHER WOMEN. I WAS DESPERATE TO PUT SOME MEAT ON !
I WAS IN SALT LAKE TO GO TO A CONCERT " DAUGHTRY " WHICH WAS WONDERFUL, BUT GOING TO THE HOSPITAL WAS BY FAR THE BEST PART OF MY 4 DAYS IN SALT LAKE!
I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS LEARNING HOW TO WALK AGAIN, AND A GIRL CAME IN TO SAY HI, AND MY THERAPIST SAID SHE HAD HAD THE SAME HEAD SURGERY, AND ALL I COULD THINK WAS," I CAN'T WAIT TO BE THAT NORMAL LOOKING GIRL THAT COULD COME AND GO AT FREE WILL" AND YOU COULDN'T SEE HER SCAR THROUGH HER HAIR. OH IT BRINGS PURE JOY TO MY HEART TO BE THAT GIRL NOW!
MY GREATEST ADVENTURE OF 2010
IN APRIL I GOT TO GO TO SALT LAKE AND BACK TO THE HOSPITAL.
THIS WAS HUGE FOR ME, TO BE ABLE TO WALK INTO THE I.C.U. AND THANK THE NURSES, AND TO MY SURPRISE THEY REMEMBERED ME, AND WERE SO HAPPY! I WAS ALSO ABLE TO GO TO THE REHAB FLOOR AND SEE 2 OUT OF 4 THERAPIST . THEY EVEN RECOGNISED ME, WHICH I NEVER EXPECTED, SINCE I DON'T LOOK A BIT LIKE I DID WHILE IN REHAB LOCK-DOWN.
OF COURSE I HAVE HAIR NOW, AND ADDED MY 20 POUNDS BACK ON THAT I HAD LOST DURING MY STAY. ONE OF MY P.T'S JUST SAID I LOOKED HEALTHY. I COULD TELL SHE DIDN'T WANT TO COME RIGHT OUT WITH " OHH! YOU GAINED WEIGHT", BUT I KNOW THAT'S WHAT SHE MEANT, AND I WORKED VERY HARD WITH LOTS OF ICE-CREAM, TO GET MY FIGURE BACK. SO I LIKE THAT I GAINED WEIGHT. I'M NOT LIKE OTHER WOMEN. I WAS DESPERATE TO PUT SOME MEAT ON !
I WAS IN SALT LAKE TO GO TO A CONCERT " DAUGHTRY " WHICH WAS WONDERFUL, BUT GOING TO THE HOSPITAL WAS BY FAR THE BEST PART OF MY 4 DAYS IN SALT LAKE!
I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS LEARNING HOW TO WALK AGAIN, AND A GIRL CAME IN TO SAY HI, AND MY THERAPIST SAID SHE HAD HAD THE SAME HEAD SURGERY, AND ALL I COULD THINK WAS," I CAN'T WAIT TO BE THAT NORMAL LOOKING GIRL THAT COULD COME AND GO AT FREE WILL" AND YOU COULDN'T SEE HER SCAR THROUGH HER HAIR. OH IT BRINGS PURE JOY TO MY HEART TO BE THAT GIRL NOW!
HI THERE, IT'S TAMI. HAPPY DAY!!! ALBERT JUST GOT HOME TODAY FROM ANOTHER WEEK AT WORK. I AM VERY TIRED, PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY, BEING THE MAIN CAREGIVER FOR THE GIRLS IS EXHAUSTING TO ME! I HAVE LOTS OF GRATITUDE FOR IT AS WELL AS NOT LIKING IT. THE JOYS ARE THERE FOR SURE.
I HAVE A HUGE RESPECT FOR ALL THOSE TRULY SINGLE PARENTS!
AS I WAS DOING MY HAIR THIS MORNING, I WAS THANKING MY LUCKY STARS. IT IS STILL ALL TOO FRESH IN MY MEMORY OF NOT BEING ABLE TO BATHE AND DRESS MYSELF.
SO I MUST TRY TO FIND THE TASK OF TAKING CARE OF MYSELF AND THE 2 GIRLS AS A FANTASTIC EXPERIENCE .
MY DAYS ARE A NEVER ENDING GAME OF CATCH-UP AND CLEAN-UP.
ALBERT'S FAMILY CONTINUES TO BE AMAZING TO ME, ALWAYS TRYING TO HELP WITH THE GIRLS, OR ANYTHING I MAY NEED.
I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO HANDLE ALBERT ALWAYS OUT OF TOWN, IF I DIDN'T KNOW THE CASADOS FAMILY WERE ALWAYS THERE FOR BACK-UP.
WE WENT OUT TO DINNER, AND SAW AN ELDERLY WOMAN MISSING THE USE OF HER LEFT SIDE AS WELL. FUNNY HOW IT SEEMS THAT WE NEVER SAW THAT BEFORE... IT'S SO OBVIOUS TO US NOW, TO NOTICE, WHEREAS 3 YEARS AGO IT NEVER WOULD HAVE CROSSED OUR MIND THAT SOMEONE HAD A STROKE.
YESTERDAY I CALLED A DRIVING SCHOOL TO FIND OUT HOW TO GET MY LICENSE BACK. THE GUY DIDN'T BELIEVE MY AGE WHEN I TOLD HIM. IT STILL MAKES ME LAUGH AT THE SURPRISE OF MY JOURNEY TO OTHERS. OF COURSE, I WISHED IT NEVER HAPPENED AT ANY TIME IN MY LIFESPAN, BUT I AM INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL TO HAVE THE NEXT 30 YEARS OR MORE TO RECOVER. HAD I BEEN OLD ENOUGH FOR IT TO MAKE SENSE, I MAY NOT BE HERE... I DO HATE HOW OFTEN THOUGHTS OF MY STROKE CROSS MY MIND! I WISH I COULD PUT A POP-UP-BLOCKER IN MY BRAIN FOR ANYTHING STROKE RELATED. IT TRULY IRRITATES ME TO THINK OF IT SO OFTEN! MY STROKE IS LIKE AN EVIL ENEMY TO ME, THAT I WILL GET REVENGE WITH WHEN I AM FULLY RECOVERED, AND WILL SAY" NAH NAH NAH NEENER NEENER YOU DIDN'T WIN". I HAVE MASTERED SO MUCH ALREADY! I SERIOUSLY NEED TO LEARN TO DRIVE AGAIN, AND I AM STILL WORKING ON MY LAZY LEFT ARM. IT'S NOT GOING TO BEAT ME! I GET REALLY FRUSTRATED AT THE AMOUNT OF ENERGY IT TAKES TO KEEP DOING BIO-FEEDBACK THERAPY EVERY WEEK, BUT I HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE, AND TONS TO GAIN.
: CUTE THING, THE GIRLS WERE WITH ME ONE WEEK AND LILLI FOUND SOME RANDOM BEANS ON THE FLOOR AND ASKED IF THEY WERE MAGIC BEANS TO FIX MOMS SAD HAND AND MAKE IT HAPPY.
SHE BLOWS ME AWAY! WHY HADN'T WE THOUGHT OF MAGIC BEANS?
MY GIRLS ARE SO COMPLETELY MY ANGELS ON EARTH! THEY MAKE MY EVERYDAY WORTHWHILE. EVEN IF I'M GOING NUTS, AND WANT TO CRY, OR FEEL LIKE ASKING "WHY". I KNOW "WHY". THERE ARE SO MANY LESSONS LEARNED ALREADY.
I SEE EVERYDAY THE BENEFITS IN MY DAUGHTERS. THEY HAVE BECOME SO NURTURING AND COMPASSIONATE, TO ME, AND ANYONE AROUND THEM.
THEY ARE GOING TO BE INCREDIBLE WOMEN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE.
GOB BLESS AND MY LOVE TO ALL.
I HAVE A HUGE RESPECT FOR ALL THOSE TRULY SINGLE PARENTS!
AS I WAS DOING MY HAIR THIS MORNING, I WAS THANKING MY LUCKY STARS. IT IS STILL ALL TOO FRESH IN MY MEMORY OF NOT BEING ABLE TO BATHE AND DRESS MYSELF.
SO I MUST TRY TO FIND THE TASK OF TAKING CARE OF MYSELF AND THE 2 GIRLS AS A FANTASTIC EXPERIENCE .
MY DAYS ARE A NEVER ENDING GAME OF CATCH-UP AND CLEAN-UP.
ALBERT'S FAMILY CONTINUES TO BE AMAZING TO ME, ALWAYS TRYING TO HELP WITH THE GIRLS, OR ANYTHING I MAY NEED.
I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO HANDLE ALBERT ALWAYS OUT OF TOWN, IF I DIDN'T KNOW THE CASADOS FAMILY WERE ALWAYS THERE FOR BACK-UP.
WE WENT OUT TO DINNER, AND SAW AN ELDERLY WOMAN MISSING THE USE OF HER LEFT SIDE AS WELL. FUNNY HOW IT SEEMS THAT WE NEVER SAW THAT BEFORE... IT'S SO OBVIOUS TO US NOW, TO NOTICE, WHEREAS 3 YEARS AGO IT NEVER WOULD HAVE CROSSED OUR MIND THAT SOMEONE HAD A STROKE.
YESTERDAY I CALLED A DRIVING SCHOOL TO FIND OUT HOW TO GET MY LICENSE BACK. THE GUY DIDN'T BELIEVE MY AGE WHEN I TOLD HIM. IT STILL MAKES ME LAUGH AT THE SURPRISE OF MY JOURNEY TO OTHERS. OF COURSE, I WISHED IT NEVER HAPPENED AT ANY TIME IN MY LIFESPAN, BUT I AM INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL TO HAVE THE NEXT 30 YEARS OR MORE TO RECOVER. HAD I BEEN OLD ENOUGH FOR IT TO MAKE SENSE, I MAY NOT BE HERE... I DO HATE HOW OFTEN THOUGHTS OF MY STROKE CROSS MY MIND! I WISH I COULD PUT A POP-UP-BLOCKER IN MY BRAIN FOR ANYTHING STROKE RELATED. IT TRULY IRRITATES ME TO THINK OF IT SO OFTEN! MY STROKE IS LIKE AN EVIL ENEMY TO ME, THAT I WILL GET REVENGE WITH WHEN I AM FULLY RECOVERED, AND WILL SAY" NAH NAH NAH NEENER NEENER YOU DIDN'T WIN". I HAVE MASTERED SO MUCH ALREADY! I SERIOUSLY NEED TO LEARN TO DRIVE AGAIN, AND I AM STILL WORKING ON MY LAZY LEFT ARM. IT'S NOT GOING TO BEAT ME! I GET REALLY FRUSTRATED AT THE AMOUNT OF ENERGY IT TAKES TO KEEP DOING BIO-FEEDBACK THERAPY EVERY WEEK, BUT I HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE, AND TONS TO GAIN.
: CUTE THING, THE GIRLS WERE WITH ME ONE WEEK AND LILLI FOUND SOME RANDOM BEANS ON THE FLOOR AND ASKED IF THEY WERE MAGIC BEANS TO FIX MOMS SAD HAND AND MAKE IT HAPPY.
SHE BLOWS ME AWAY! WHY HADN'T WE THOUGHT OF MAGIC BEANS?
MY GIRLS ARE SO COMPLETELY MY ANGELS ON EARTH! THEY MAKE MY EVERYDAY WORTHWHILE. EVEN IF I'M GOING NUTS, AND WANT TO CRY, OR FEEL LIKE ASKING "WHY". I KNOW "WHY". THERE ARE SO MANY LESSONS LEARNED ALREADY.
I SEE EVERYDAY THE BENEFITS IN MY DAUGHTERS. THEY HAVE BECOME SO NURTURING AND COMPASSIONATE, TO ME, AND ANYONE AROUND THEM.
THEY ARE GOING TO BE INCREDIBLE WOMEN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE.
GOB BLESS AND MY LOVE TO ALL.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
tami here...using Grandma's sign in......
HI ALL, IT'S TAMI.So my computer contracted about 700 viruses and now refuses to let me blog. I'm borrowing my grandma's computer and wondering how best to sum up the last 6 months. I have had some big accomplishments and some small ones.
So lets start with FEBRUARY...
Albert had to go work in San Diego for that whole month, which of course left me alone with my girls. A first since my brain broke. I knew we would be fine, but that it would also be VERY hard for me. You know I just love challenges, or better YET, they love me!
I had lots of family looking out for us, making sure I had rides when needed. I wanted to make it as fun for the girls as I could. Our FIRST BIG adventure was deciding to walk to Wendy's for dinner one night. It's just 2 blocks away. I debated with myself for at least 30 minutes whether it was something I was ready for or not. I prepared the girls to go and Lilli said, "mom are you sure this is a good idea?" She has seen mom walk and had reason to doubt. I explained the rules, that they were to hold hands and do EXACTLY as mom says. I had them walk as far away from the road as possible When we made it, we were so tired and happy! Lilli had explained that she was worried mom would fall, so I let her know it's mom's job to protect her, not the other way. Even my tiny Ella opened the big door for mom. They were ecstatic to be there and get frosty's. It was a huge deal for all 3 of us to have accomplished that journey by ourselves! I continuously struggle with the balance of keeping myself safe while keeping the girls safe as well. It makes me sad if they miss out on anything because of moms " ouchy".
February was also filled with much stress and exhaustion for me. It was hard physically and mentally to be a single parent for a month. Much respect to those that do it full time.
MARCH by far easier with Albert home, but he still hadn't found a job in town, which meant he would have to return to California, an idea I hated.
MAY THE GIRLS GRADUATED PRE-SCHOOL TOGETHER. That was soo cute to see! I was sad, since they had so much fun learning and playing, and it was my only quiet time, and when I would plan doctor appointment's.
Albert found a part-time crap job until May, when he planned on returning to his home town, but as life has it, that didn't work either. So he scrambled and found 1 job that would take him to work in Price Utah, which brings me back to current time.
JUNE so far Albert has worked out of town 2 weeks, but we are used to it now, and it's not that bad. We get bored, and watch a lot of Barbie. I had a friend introduce me to face book, which has been fun to do when I'm sick of barbie.
WITH LUCK, I WILL BE ABLE TO UPDATE REGULARLY NOW, and won't try to cram it all in at once .
I have been sad by not being able to update this. As time went on this has been a great way to track my continued progress and remind me of what to be grateful for/of .
I hope some of this made sense it's a lot jumbled together and I know I left a lot out.
GOD BLESS ALL
So lets start with FEBRUARY...
Albert had to go work in San Diego for that whole month, which of course left me alone with my girls. A first since my brain broke. I knew we would be fine, but that it would also be VERY hard for me. You know I just love challenges, or better YET, they love me!
I had lots of family looking out for us, making sure I had rides when needed. I wanted to make it as fun for the girls as I could. Our FIRST BIG adventure was deciding to walk to Wendy's for dinner one night. It's just 2 blocks away. I debated with myself for at least 30 minutes whether it was something I was ready for or not. I prepared the girls to go and Lilli said, "mom are you sure this is a good idea?" She has seen mom walk and had reason to doubt. I explained the rules, that they were to hold hands and do EXACTLY as mom says. I had them walk as far away from the road as possible When we made it, we were so tired and happy! Lilli had explained that she was worried mom would fall, so I let her know it's mom's job to protect her, not the other way. Even my tiny Ella opened the big door for mom. They were ecstatic to be there and get frosty's. It was a huge deal for all 3 of us to have accomplished that journey by ourselves! I continuously struggle with the balance of keeping myself safe while keeping the girls safe as well. It makes me sad if they miss out on anything because of moms " ouchy".
February was also filled with much stress and exhaustion for me. It was hard physically and mentally to be a single parent for a month. Much respect to those that do it full time.
MARCH by far easier with Albert home, but he still hadn't found a job in town, which meant he would have to return to California, an idea I hated.
MAY THE GIRLS GRADUATED PRE-SCHOOL TOGETHER. That was soo cute to see! I was sad, since they had so much fun learning and playing, and it was my only quiet time, and when I would plan doctor appointment's.
Albert found a part-time crap job until May, when he planned on returning to his home town, but as life has it, that didn't work either. So he scrambled and found 1 job that would take him to work in Price Utah, which brings me back to current time.
JUNE so far Albert has worked out of town 2 weeks, but we are used to it now, and it's not that bad. We get bored, and watch a lot of Barbie. I had a friend introduce me to face book, which has been fun to do when I'm sick of barbie.
WITH LUCK, I WILL BE ABLE TO UPDATE REGULARLY NOW, and won't try to cram it all in at once .
I have been sad by not being able to update this. As time went on this has been a great way to track my continued progress and remind me of what to be grateful for/of .
I hope some of this made sense it's a lot jumbled together and I know I left a lot out.
GOD BLESS ALL
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